Moving on May

       
           Tis the season for so many transitions. May and August are quite the months when living a single college life. It is when large groups of people take big new steps in their lives and when we all strive to make any adjustments necessary to assure a brighter future. It's exciting, it's refreshing, yet at times it can be emotional.
         This May a handful of really special amazing people are taking off on adventures! I'm excited and inspired by them. Something I've noticed however, is that this is giving me the silliest sense of abandonment. Clearly, that is an exaggerated and dramatic way to express my sadness but it gets the point across. I become attached to people easily. I depend on the friendships I build, probably a little too much. I don't have a husband or children to dote on or shower with attention and affection so these friendships fill the gap. As logic would have it these relationships come and go as life goes on.          As I tried to process my feelings about the seemingly major changes in my social circle the video posted above came to mind. I was reminded of the only relationship that needs to define who I am. Earthly relationships are so super important but should never out weigh or over shadow the only relationship that truly matters in the end.
         Off I go with my head up, confident that God will place wonderful people in my path, and help me maintain the relationships I love so dearly, near and far. He always gives me the best. Anyways, know that I love and value you and God does even more! Have a great week!

Where I Belong

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I know who I am

I know God's plan

I'll follow Him in faith

I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ

I'll honor His name.

I'll do what is right

I'll follow His light.

His truth I will proclaim.

This week has renewed my confidence and faith in the phrases above. The gospel is so so good. I'm so honored to be a member of this church. Have questions about it? Ask me more! NOTHING brings more happiness, confidence, or direction! As I read in Alma 12:15, "He has all power to save every man." I know that is true! 

Safe Harbors

         

          This week I received news that my friend and neighbor had passed away. I was impressed with the openness of his family during the funeral service. They talked about his battle with addiction and how although it ended up taking his earthly life his spirit lives on and has the ability and opportunity to fulfill his eternal potential still. You'll be greatly missed around here, Josh.
          We had the opportunity to listen to the General Women's broadcast this week as well. The messages were perfectly synced. There was a quote from Sister Marriott that I really loved. She said, "Love is making space in your life for someone else." They talked about reaching out, serving more, and loving all.

          My heart has been repeating the lyrics to one of my favorite EFY songs following these two experiences.

Safe Harbors:
There are refugees among us
That are not from foreign shores;
And the battles they are waging
Are from very private wars.
And there are no correspondents
Documenting all their grief,
But these refugees among us all
Are yearning for relief.

There are refugees among us.
They don't carry flags or signs.
They are standing right beside us
In the market check out lines;
And the war they've been fighting
It will not be televised,
But the story of their need for love
Is written in their eyes.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.

Can you see through their disguises?
Can you hear what words won't tell?
Some are losing faith in Heaven
'Cause their life's a living Hell.
Is there anyone to help those
Who have no where else to flee?
For the only arms protecting them
belong to you and me.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.
Can you feel the pleas of the refugees
For safe harbors of the heart?

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.
Can you feel the pleas of the refugees
For safe harbors of the heart?

        My friend Josh Curtis said of today, Easter, "It is a good time and reminder that there is redemption for us all, and renewal, and that a tomb was empty so that we need not be." 

     I'm grateful to be trusted with the responsibility to reach out and hold my brothers and sisters. I'm also grateful for everyone who has been there for me. I'm grateful for a perfectly understanding Savior, friends and family who love and support me, and for the opportunity we each have to try again and again.

Happy Sunday, I love you! 

The Spirit of God

   

         It was the slow and subtle concessions to the temptations and lies of Satan that led me to the point I found myself at. A member of the church my entire life, sitting as a missionary in the MTC, I was having a crisis of faith. I was sure that I had never felt the spirit in my entire life. I had this doubt in my heart for sometime. It had caused so much anxiety that it truly prevented me from having the experiences necessary to regaining the confidence I had once enjoyed. After offering up dozens of prayers using my mustard seed of faith God finally saw an opportunity He knew would break the walls down from around my heart.
         We filed into the Tuesday devotional and to my great surprise a fellow missionary, David Archuleta, was singing a special musical number. He began singing The Spirit of God. It was in half Spanish half English. His voice quivered with conviction. A mixture of his personal status combined with the spirit he brought claimed the room with silence. I remember hearing the first line of the song--matching it's title, "The Spirit of God like a fire is burning" I said in my heart, "It must be, I know it's there..." At the time is was only a hope. My deep desire to feel and hear it finally was granted and became reality. My heart was burning, my stilled spirit began to sing, I openly wept, and in that moment became a transformed person. I could never, ever, again question the reality of the spirit in my life or more so, as a real, literal, presence.
       Today in the dedication for the Provo City Center Temple, following tradition, we sang that same song. I felt, again, the Spirit overwhelmingly embrace me. Unable to sing without crying the entire second verse I thought back to how far I've come, and how often I allow the Spirit communicate to me in a way that I could explain to be like a fire. I want to be better at that. I want to have powerful experiences that remind me of how close Heavenly help is many times a day.
       This week I was reading in Alma 7 and what struck me most was the manner in which Alma talks about the Spirit in his life. One small example is verse 8 we read, "Behold, I do not say that he will come among us at the time of his dwelling in his mortal tabernacle; for behold, the Spirit hat not said unto me that this should be the case. Now as to this thing I do not know; but this much I do know, that the Lord God hath power to do all things which are according to his word."  Also in vs 14, "Now I say unto you that ye must repent and be born again, for the Spirit saith if ye are not born again ye cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven...." It's seven different occasions in this short chapter that he talks about what the Spirit says. I love that communication is so clear, so familiar, so matter-of-fact, and seems to be such a natural voice to be speaking out loud for.
        I know that each of has the privilege of that relationship with the Holy Ghost. It's worth living in a way where that's possible. I know it is. Nothing beats the comfort, guidance, and confidence that it offers.

I love you. The Spirit of God, like a fire, is burning. Listen, feel, and wait for it. I promise you it will come!

Tale of An All-Nighter

      

          I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a confident teacher. We've talked about this in previous blogs. It's a talent that I've worked really hard at and practice every single day. I LOVE it and have had only the best feelings about each teaching opportunity.
        That's why when the idea of being a seminary teacher was presented it felt like such natural choice. The whole process has been a delight for me. I was excited to go to class each week and left feeling like I was walking in Heaven. Truly, it has shown me a level of happiness and communion with the spirit that I don't think I've experienced since being in the MTC.
        At first this class was just for enrichment. There are certain levels of education that you have to be at before being considered. (I'm a semester or two away from being there.) I planned on taking the course to see if it was a good fit, and once I saw that it was definitely was, I resolved to come retake it upon arriving the proper benchmark.
        My teacher was well-aware of this which is why it was such a shock when he invited me to continue to the next level of the program. I had the opportunity to teach once more! He was making an exception for me!
         I was assigned Isaiah 1-5. It didn't worry me too much regardless of the reputation he carries of difficulty. I knew the kids were smart and I love taking a tricky piece of material and making it into something simple and clear.
        The strangest thing happened as I began to prepare, however. Every students lame excuse for not doing their homework became my reality. One small example is, while typing out my lesson plan the computer buzzed and turned all my labored over notes into gibberish. There was nothing that could be done, I had to start over. That had never happened before. So long story short, everything was getting ruined, as I prepared nothing felt quite right, unexpected to-do's came up, and I even got two paper cuts. Planning was a real pain.
      Finally with the help of a patient roommate and helpful friends I was able to complete my plan and practice my lesson. Their reaction was a little less than exciting, and I didn't feel overjoyed myself with the material but, it reached a place where I felt like what I had done was sufficient.
        I went to bed that night sure that God would take the short-comings and make them great. I never expected what followed. Forty-five minutes after falling asleep (which was difficult to begin with...) I woke up short of breath and feeling incredibly sick. It wasn't illness it was a panic attack. I has experienced this awful thing before-- the day before I entered and the day before I left the MTC. I shook in my bed, I felt fear encompass every inch of my body, stomach churning, breath short. I begged Heavenly Father to let me sleep. I had to be up at 5am--but nothing. It was one of the longest and more difficult nights of my life.
       I stared up at my ceiling waiting for the alarm to go off. I rolled out of bed attempted to put myself together as the trembling perused, and began my drive to the school. I felt completely spent. Empty. Exhausted. I continued praying 'til I entered the classroom. Peace totally came over me. My lesson went smoothly. I had energy. I felt the same bliss that I had experienced each class period  before. I felt His hands on my shoulders.
        It was a few hours following my lesson that I received an e-mailing me inviting me to continue in the program. How could it be? Me? God has once again shown that He can take a lump of clay and make it into a functioning vessel.
         This week my scripture study posed the questions.... (Alma 5:26-28)

 26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?

 27 Have ye walked, keeping yourselves blameless before God? Could ye say, if ye were called to die at this time, within yourselves, that ye have been sufficiently humble? That your garments have been cleansed and made white through the blood of Christ, who will come to redeem his people from their sins?

 28 Behold, are ye stripped of pride? I say unto you, if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God.

     I'm so grateful for opportunities I have to remember how much I need God, how much I hate Satan, and how much room I have to grow. He makes me all that I am and I could do nothing without Him. Pain in growth is always shadowed by the joy of success found inside the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

          The powers of those unseen are real. There is so much good and so much bad around us. I know that as we strive to submit only to the good we will be unstoppable. The powers of Hell and Satan cannot concur God--so we can't choose to surrender.

      "I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs and that Heavenly promises are always kept." -Elder Holland

The church is true! Love you all! 'Til next week!

Learning to Run

My blog starts with this incredible song today :)

My favorite section of lyrics reads:         Sometimes I feel like
                                                    I've never been nothing but tired
                                                    And I'll be working
                                                    Till the day I expire
                                                    Sometimes I lay down
                                                    No more can I do
                                                    But then I go on again
                                                    Because you ask me to

     This week it was easy to relate to the song. I balance two jobs (40+ hours a week), full time school (with three nasty midterms this week), keeping up a social life, making time for church responsibilities, and then I just added teaching another seminary class into the mix. Before it sounds too whiny let me say, I LOVE WHAT I DO! If I didn't love it, I wouldn't do it. However fatigue creeps in. I start to feel like I've spread myself too thin and when it comes time to do the very most important things my energy seems futile. 

      It's the classic object lesson. You have to fit rocks, water, and pebbles into a jar without having anything spill out. It is impossible to accomplish unless you put the rocks (symbolizing spiritual priorities) in first. However, I'm gonna 'fess up--I don't always remember to do that. I know that the problem I'm going to discuss would be resolved if I would simply remember to prioritize and always put spiritual things first.

       Sometimes I do a bad job at reading my scriptures. Sometimes I kneel down in prayer to end my day and fall asleep before I can say "amen." Sometimes I cancel my trips to the temple to fit it more study time because I used my original time to do that hanging out with friends. Sometimes I'm really lame and forget what's most important. 

       The effects of my bad balancing can lead to potentially very dangerous consequences. As I slack in my diligence I begin to lose momentum--in all things. I begin to feel bad about the things I'm not giving enough attention to. I begin to feel like I can't accomplish anything. I begin to feel like all my hard work, especially in refining my testimony is getting lost. I feel like Satan is biting at my heels waiting for me to not accomplish my visiting teaching, or go to the temple, or have the ability to listen and understand the spirit. 

       This is when I begin to feel like I'm running. The visual I have is me running towards some distant light, although the majority of the world around me is dark. I have that feeling of someone being behind me. It's so ominous. I'm running and running, out of breath, to avoid the seemingly unavoidable overtake of this darkness. It's exhausting. 

        But, wait. Then I make time for the gospel. I bring it back to the top priority. I study my scriptures first, I pray sincerely, I act immediately on spiritual promptings, and my vision changes. I'm no longer running away from darkness, I'm running towards my Savior. The visual is brightness. The feeling is joyful anticipation. I'm giddy. Energy isn't even a question because I'm so focused on getting to the One who makes me whole, I don't even notice that I'm running. 

       Today in my study I read, Mosiah 27:29 "My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity, I was in the darkest abyss, but now I behold the marvelous light of God." 

        I know that as I strive to put God first life becomes a joy. My perspective shifts dramatically and I am able to accomplish more than I ever believed possible.

Find rest in God. Keep your priorities straight. Remember that you aren't running from Satan but running towards Christ. I love you and appreciate you! Happy Sunday! 

Porn Kills Love--Good or Bad Movement?

         

           The ads are pretty hard to miss, "PORN KILLS LOVE" is all over each of our Facebook feeds. Not only that but the T-shirts with the same logo are proudly worn by many. Oh, and did I mention the organization came and did assembly at the Jr. High I work at? If this is the first thing you've heard of the phrase, here is what is what I'm taking about: fightthenewdrug.org

          I've been a big fan of this movement from the first time I've seen it. In fact I'd bet good money I'm getting one of their shirts for my birthday. It wasn't until this last weekend that I saw it in a different light.
           My dear friend and I had gotten into the conversation about this group and he said, "I feel like for every step forward that they take, they take two steps back." I was pretty surprised. Awareness to such a destructive habit had only been good in my mind. He explained that he felt like it was detrimental to be telling people that struggle with pornography that "love was killed".
         Don't misunderstand, we both agreed there needs to be open discussion on the effects pornography can and do have. What he was saying (as far as I understood) was that making people feel like the future serial killers and helpless, brainless, loveless, idiots wasn't the answer.
        This same week that I had this thought provoking conversation I was reading in Mosiah 22-27. There is a group of people that are in Lamanite bondage and they are in the process of escaping. It really is a nail biter. As I read it felt as if the Lord giving me clarity and insight to the conversations of the week. Here's what I got:

                      (vs.9) "Remember the iniquity of king Noah and his priests (for application: people that participate in pornographic activities); and I myself was caught in a snare, and did many things which were abominable in the sight of the Lord, which caused me sore repentance.."  I'm not writing to advocate for lesser consequences or avoiding frank talks about pornography. Like the sins described in this verse it is abominable and ought to cause sore repentance. BUT there is more to it!

                        (vs.10) Nevertheless, after much tribulation, the Lord did hear my cries, and did answer my prayers, and has made me an instrument in his hands in bringing so many of you to a knowledge of his truth." 
 
                         (vs 12) And  now I unto you, ye have been oppressed by (pornography) and have been in bondage to (it)...therefore ye were bound with the bands of iniquity." 

             Now here is where the insights really started flowing:

              (vs 13) "And now as you have been delivered by the power of God out of these bonds, yea even out of the hands of (pornography) and also the bands of iniquity, even so I desire that ye should stand fast in this liberty wherewith YE HAVE BEEN MADE FREE and that ye trust no (sin) to be king over you. 

                and although the context doesn't quite match the phrase (vs 17), "except it were by him from God." ended this reading with such a bright light.

What I'm proposing is that maybe phrase "Porn kills love" isn't so bad and so destructive if you immediately follow it up with "Jesus Christ restores love". Sin is sin, and consequences are inevitable. We know that pornography is incredibly bad, no shying away from that. However, Jesus Christ has overcome the world and is your support. He'll fix the "craters" it might have blown in your mind (referring to a quote by Elder Holland-when he says that that is the effect of pornography). He makes you feel loved and teaches how to have pure love in your heart.

      He takes our imperfections, big or small, and makes us into something amazing. ALL of us. His love for us is NEVER killed. I love you too. Now to take the steps forward to trusting Him and letting him deliver us from bondage--allowing His love to be the love we need first and foremost.

Freedom!

          "Yeah sure" just kinda slipped out. I would have never agreed had I actually thought about what was being asked of me. At this point in time I was hardly attending Sunday School let alone wanting to teach it. However, I'm not someone to go back on my word so I decided I'd just have to make it work.
         Throughout the week I was consumed by the stress of subbing this gospel doctrine class. Luckily my best friend was a confident teacher and incredibly knowledgeable in the gospel.  She was very kind and agreed to co-teach with me that Sunday.
        We prepared and practiced and finally Sunday came. I was sick to my stomach. As soon as I got in front of the class I froze. It truly was a saving grace having my friend by my side. My stomach ached, my eyes went blurry, my palms were sweaty, and my words were jumbled. I think I said maybe two sentences for the entire hour "we" were teaching.
          After that painful experience I vowed to never teach again.

          Now fast forward four years later. Since then I've served a mission, been called as a gospel doctrine teacher, been asked to teach relief society, give firesides, and put on devotionals. I hadn't considered this amazing change within myself until this week because of how slowly and subtly God had lead me to this point in time.
         This week held a really big landmark for me. I began student teaching as a seminary teacher. Now to be clear, I'm about a year away from actually entering the seminary teaching program so as of now it's just me getting 'wet behind the ears.' It's for me to gain experience teaching in a seminary situation.
          I spent hours preparing, I made all my friends allow me to practice teach them, I got up at 5 am so I could be there on time (I was teaching early morning so that I could get to my job on time.) and I was challenging myself to put together my first ever PowerPoint meant for teaching. To top it off I was asked to teach 2Kings 20-25--those chapters come off as a suuuuper drag until you do some digging.
         Moments before I stepped into the classroom I bowed my head to talk to Heavenly Father. It occured to me--I was a new person. He had taken this pathetic, nervous, and incompetent girl and turned me into someone who is willing to sacrifice anything to teach. Not only that but I can now do so with confidence and excitment; so much so I'm wanting to devote my whole entire life to it.
           We are the clay, He is the potter, and we must allow ourselves to be the works of His hands.

         This week I read in Mosiah 5:8, "And under this head (Jesus Christ) ye are made free..." It is all thanks to my relationship with Jesus Christ and my knowledge that I am God's daughter that I have been able to free myself from my feelings of being an inadequate teacher, or my fear of people seeing how little I feel like I know about the gospel. He has made me free.

Ether 12:27, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto them their weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, and have fiath in me then will I make weak things become stron unto them." 

    Include the Savior and your Father in all you're striving to become and I know that mountains will be moved. The most impossible and unlikely changes can happen.

   I love you and I'm excited for us to be more than we think we can be!

He said, "Be Mine"

     

        Stumbling onto her blog was rather happenstance. We had stopped following each other on Facebook a long while back, so I had lost total touch with what was going on in her life. So a few days ago, I began reading with great wonder.
      The back story is a typical high-school love triangle. I loved boy, she loved boy too, boy couldn't decide. We never knew each other as anything other than, the obstacle between "our soulmate". *swoon* Post graduation is when I was finally crowned the winner of this consuming battle. Boy chose me! We were in love. (Well...at least for a time...)
      Now here I am six years later, reading what happened to her since, "I won.". She wrote the most beautiful post detailing how she found her dream man. (Frankly he sounds like the dream man.) They live such a happy and wonderful life. She openly discusses the difficulties of life but above all the many, many blessings that she enjoys; highlighting her husband as the most grand blessing of all.
     It was a mix of giddiness from the romance of the story but mostly self-doubt, that I felt upon reading. All these years that I thought I had won were a deception. I, being more single than ever before, felt like the biggest loser.
      This went on for a couple days. It was the first time I longed for marriage. It was the first time that every part of me ached for companionship. I came up with lists of why I wasn't lovable. I began to criticize each decision I had made, leading myself to be nearly 25, and without so much as an admirer. To top it off that same weekend was the wedding of my most recent ex-boyfriend's wedding. (Haha, I didn't know I could pull off tragic lonely girl so well....)
        So before I lose all dignity, let's move on. Valentine's Day is likely my favorite holiday. I ravish this day dedicated to expressing love! I know, I know, we shouldn't need a day to do it, but that fact that it is there to act as a reminder and opportunity is wonderful. To top this year's V-Day off, it's fallen on my favorite day of the week, Sunday!
        As I was getting ready this morning, reading through the endless feed of sweet dedications I thought to myself, what do I have to say about the man that I love? Here is the beginnings of  what I could come up with:

• He makes me feel beautiful  
• He makes me be the best version of myself
• He loves my family and friends as much, if not even more than I do!
• He pushes me to do things I never thought possible
• He's the best teacher is the world (A trait that I LOVE)
• He is fiercely loyal
• He tells me I'm special
• If there are 99 other people in a room, he still manages to make me feel remembered and unique
• He makes me so, so incredibly happy. 
• He has a plan
• He is dedicated
• He loves kids
• He not only hears me but he listens to me
• He is willing to pick up the slack, every time my dedication to the relationship isn't what it deserves to be
•  He makes my past feel noble, my present feel secure, and my future bright and exciting

   I could go on and on and on.....
My Savior, Jesus Christ, loves me. I love him. Until I find that special someone, here on earth, I can feel completely whole knowing that I am not alone, and that the most perfect human being there ever was loves me.

Romans 8:35,37-39

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril of sword?

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

      May we each feel completely loved today. Because that's the truth, we are. Even without the chocolates, long dedications on social media, or flowers, we are so so loved. I love you, and happy Valentine's Day

Equation of Happiness

HAPPY SUNDAY!

And not just because *SPOILER ALERT* The Broncos WON! 

       I'm reading in Mosiah, and eating up every word King Benjamin has to say! It's like music is playing in my heart and the sun has come out after a long winter!

      The few verses I wanted to share with you begin with Mosiah 4:41, "...consider in the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God."

Why is this verse so intriguing?

       I confess to personally focusing way too much on how sad I am by the bad choices being made. I acknowledge, easily, how sad of a state the fallen are in. However, I don't often put the blessed and happy state of the righteous in the forefront of my mind. Seriously though, aren't my most consistently happiest and most consistently confident friends and family members the ones that are living the gospel faithfully? The answer is so obviously, yes.

It was touching to hear a convert of nine months say in our fast and testimony meeting today, "Ever since I became a member of the Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter Day Saints my bad days are no longer so bad, and my dark times are still bright because of the hope and happiness I have obtained."

Consider the happy and blessed state of the righteous.

The last two verses I want to highlight are in Mosiah 4:11-12 " And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your should, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance the greatness of God and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel. And behold I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins, and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you or in the knowledge of that which is just and true."  (POWERFUL equation right there! Want to always rejoice, be clean, etc?..,THIS IS HOW!)

SO empowering. SO true. SO encouraging. The gospel makes me feel limitless! The gospel gives me confidence! The gospel gives me wings. I.AM.SO.HAPPY!!!!!

Here's a link to a song that always makes me smile :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHASQg8fR0s

Together or Alone- I'm Going.

The dilemma.
        It was time for one of the most challenging finals of her entire college career. This teacher was infamous for writing test with questions covering things down to the minutest details of the droning lectures they had given several weeks prior. Everyone was divided into study groups for preparation.
        They sat gray faced in the library sharing notes and trying to makes sense of the complex material. As things were finally picking up, in walked Mr. Skip In His Step to save the day. He strutted up to the table and threw his backpack down. A dramatic unzipping and slow motion reach in followed. Out came the test that everyone was so furiously studying for. Was anyone else shocked? No one else seemed to feel anything other than utter relief.
*Pause Story*
       What now? We all know that the right answer is to refrain from cheating. Is it that simple though?

 

      I made this visual to help us get the idea of what needs to be considered. You stay and study with the test, you get a great grade, succeed with your classmates, remain comfortable in the class.  Negative to using the test, you feel bad, are being dishonest, lose the companionship of the Holy Ghost, run the chance of getting caught. Positivity to obedience, keep the Holy Ghost with you, follow the commandments, remain with good integrity. What about that last box? I think that this is the box that is all too often more powerful than it ought to be. The negative to obedience in this situation would be loss of camaraderie and likely friendships, potentially failing the test, hours studying that you could cut out, etc. 

       Are you ready for the cost of discipleship? Have you made the resolve that nothing  matters more than the eternal salvation that comes from always choosing obedience? 

        This week I read Jarom. A teeny tiny book in the Book of Mormon. Just one chapter. Jarom starts out by saying, "What could I write more than my fathers have written? For have they revealed the plan of salvation? I say unto, Yea; and this sufficeth me." He's saying that nothing else needs to be written or said, as long as God's plan for us has been mentioned. We know where we came from, we know why we're here, and we know where we're going. Do we really need a 'break-it-down-box' to help us make our decisions? Shouldn't we already know that obedience might often be the unpopular choice but will always have eternal benefits and sin will only bring temporary satisfaction and eternal consequences. 

       Luke 9:62, "And Jesus said unto him, No man having put this hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."  Understanding and accepting the cost of discipleship is the first step to becoming the kind of person that God intends on us being. He will make it worth it. We might not have popularity, riches, or the other benefits from living a worldly life, but that leaves us in good company. (Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, etc.)

        I am trying harder to remember that I have already committed my life to Him. I promised that to Him when I was eight years old, and then I recommit every single Sunday. Now if only I could follow through with that more gracefully....

      Christ is there to pick us up when we fall, He's there to give us another opportunity to choose the right. The Holy Ghost is there to help us remember. The scriptures are there to give us evidence and courage. There are so many safe holds in the gospel. We were meant to succeed! Let's make it easier on each other and personally resolve to be true disciples. 

      

      

STROKE-5 Years Later

       

       No work, so I got to sleep in. Ahh. This was gonna be the best day ever. Sun was breaking through the window. Not a care in the world.
        I heard Mom's cell phone ring two rooms over. Nothing peculiar, the woman is so popular. She starts getting phone calls at 8am and it doesn't stop ringing til 8pm. What was strange was this feeling I got. It was like a single butterfly was trying to wake up all his friends in my stomach. Had to shake it off, so I decided to get up. I knelt to pray and felt a calm wash over me and heard a whisper say, "Everything will be fine."
         Within seconds Mom came in. Wild-eyed but relatively calm. She said, "I think Charlie had a stroke. They have her at the hospital (in Logan) and have decided to life flight her to the U. I don't think things are looking good..." She was on her way out the door, and requested that I go get my siblings from school. We would wait for further instruction, but she wanted us ready to head up.
       Those few hours of not knowing anything wore heavily on my siblings. I remember trying to tell them the feelings I had experienced earlier but in crisis mode, it's hard to take other peoples premonitions too seriously.
       Long story short, by an incredible miracle Charlie survived. The first night we saw her was heart-breaking almost as much as it was a relief. She went from being the leader of the pack to this helpless girl. She couldn't talk, eat, remember certain things, walk, etc. Was this our new life?
        Today is the 5 year anniversary of the stroke. Not only has Charlie shown that she can't be held down, but God has proven His words. Things were okay that day, and things have continued to get better. The stroke taught me to be worthy of the whispering of the spirit, hold my family close, and remain positive.
       Sure glad you made it through, Char. Things might not be the same as they were before, but the stroke brought a lot of positivity. I'd even go so far as to say life is better because of it.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

        I don't think I could fall asleep without praying. It's been a habit for as long as I can remember. Not even one memory of ending my day without at least saying a quick something to my Heavenly Father occurs. Not only that, but my morning's begin with a prayer. In addition, more often than not, I don't listen to music if I'm in my car alone--I like that chance it gives me to talk to my Father in Heaven.
       With that being said, I have to be honest and say, sometimes I still feel disconnected. I feel like I'm talking to my walls instead of Him. Or maybe I'm talking, He's listening, but surely isn't understanding.
       We're taught that good communication is the way to success and effectivity in life. Want your marriage to last? Learn how to communicate. Want to make friends? Learn how to communicate. Want to get backing on a business venture? Learn how to communicate your ideas.
        Obviously we know that there is more to it than just speaking. Face the person who is speaking, give physical feedback, respond with related responses, maintain eye contact...you know the drill. So how interesting that the most important communication of our existence contains nothing more than us speaking or simply thinking. He hears us? He gets us?
         As I was reading in my Book of Mormon this week I came across this particular scripture that redirected my thoughts. 2Nephi 32:3, "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ, Wherefore I say unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."
       How can I doubt for one single minute that He hears me? My conversations, the feelings I get when I pray, and most of all the scriptures I read all are concrete evidence that He is not only listening to me, but responding. Coincidence that the week I'm asking Him about how to make my prayers more effective that I happen to read, "Ye must pray always and not faint." (2Ne. 32:9), or "And I know that the Lord God will consecrate my prayers for the gain of my people." (2Ne 32:4)? Not happenstance but His way of showing me that He knows what's on my mind and IS responding. Am I listening? Am I actively and genuinely communicating to Him? Am I making myself available to Him? Or the question that's touching my heart the most, am I allowing other people to act as my angels?
       In my Patriarchal Blessing I am told, "You are indeed separated from your Heavenly Father on this earth, but only to an extent." it later continues, "...counsel with those around you, for they will never lead you astray." He knows that my heart longs to share the most direction and personal relationship with Him. Because that is not possible at this point in the eternal process He has sent me angels to look me in the eyes and say what I need to hear. He than confirms it with a feeling in my heart.
       I know that He loves me. He loves you too. He is always listening, and He always cares. Look for the evidence. I think you'll be astounded.
                 

Who Will Go With Me?

        When I've read in 2 Nephi before I tended to simply read, at best. Deep study and analyzing was kind of overlooked. A lot of Isaiah scriptures are repeated which tends to be more complicated and time consuming. This time however, I promised myself to not let that be the case. I've found so many treasures, and felt my spirituality increase immensely. There is no  wasted effort in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

        The scripture I want to highlight this week is found in 2 Nephi 16:8-11. (Compare to Isaiah 6) "...I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then I said: Here am I; send me." (I connected that with 1 Nephi 3:7) It continues, "And he said: Go and tell this people--Hear ye indeed...Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes--lest they see with their eyes. and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and be converted and be healed." Beautiful call to be missionaries. To serve, to teach, to lead.
        "Then said I: Lord, how long? And he said: Until the cities be wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land be utterly desolate.." Not a call for 2 years but for forever!

       How beautiful! I cannot read those scriptures without feeling a personal call to become a life long disciple of Jesus Christ. He's not just asking you to complete with a totem pole of callings until you reach salvation. Just because you have been a missionary, relief society president, or even stake president-- that does not mean you have qualified for the kingdom of God. It does not mean you have completed your tasks upon the earth. We are called to be His servants, His mouth piece, until there is no one left upon the earth, and the land is gone.
 
        I'm reminded of a commonly read and recited scripture in D&C 4. The entire chapter is so filling for our spirits, but I want to highlight verses two and three. "Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind, and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work.."

     A common phrase, serve God with your heart, your might, your mind, and strength. These are the description I found while studying and identifying the four individual different parts:
       
    "Heart. The term heart denotes one's character or disposition; it is the governing attitude and feeling of a person. This character or disposition is formed as the individual expresses life in the form of choices. Making choices, in the sense of making commitments, is a function of the heart. The heart constitutes the decision-making center." I add the sincere love for doing the Lords work. To be His disciple happily and gratefully.

    Next, "Mind. The mind is a system of attracting, organizing, and implementing knowledge or information for use by the heart. It is man's capacity to become aware of things as they are, as they have been or as they will be. The mind, as a capacity, is a tool subject to the management and leadership of the heart. Apparently, it is possible for an individual to choose to relinquish the management and leadership of their mind to another personality but it is not possible to transfer the responsibility for the consequences of that choice."

   The two that seemed to intertwined for me were might and strength. What is the difference? How can I make sure I am accomplishing both? Here are the definitions I have found to this point, "Might. Might refers to the resources--both temporal and spiritual, internal and external- -that are legitimately accessible to a person. Might describes all the resources that an individual commands or controls that are at his or her disposal. It includes the moral influences and other forces or materials that are under his or her dominion."   and then strength, "Strength. Strength refers to the physical properties associated with an individual's body that are sources of power. These include generative powers in the form of muscle, bone, and tissue; regenerative powers in the form of bodily systems such as the circulatory, respiratory, digestive, neural, and glandular; and procreative powers, i. e., sexual reproductive powers."
(Definitions found here:https://ojs.lib.byu.edu/spc/index.php/DLLS/article/viewFile/31139/29598)

        It through better understanding what the Lord requires, and how to commit myself to Him that I am able to become what He requires of me. I WILL go where the Lord asks me to go. He has already asked us each "Who shall I send" you and I both responded "Here am I send me." Have we followed through with our creator?

       The way to God is clear, Endure to the end. As Moroni instructs, (Moroni 10:32) "Deny yourselves of all ungodliness" By giving Him our hearts, our might, our minds, and our strength, we will be able to become like Him. I love Him.

      The gospel is good, it is true, and it is salvation. It is also joy. Each time I have followed throught with my end of the deal my life becomes better than I could have ever imagined. I have the sense of being whole, happy, and at peace. I want to feel that way always! Now off to accomplish the seemingly impossible!!! (Philippians 4:13)

PS-I had finished Genesis today. It is SO GOOD!!! I encourage you to give it another read!

Then Sings My Soul

     

         It was a quiet storm. We didn't talk about the personal issues because they just seemed to stir up more problems. We knew that the other one was hurting, and that seemed to be enough. However the way he walked out that day told me it was time to open our communication. I felt slight annoyance but this sense of urgency pushing me to call him right then and there.
     He answered my phone call. That came as a surprise. He sounded as though he had been crying. Rarely if ever had I seem him cry--another surprise. He quickly said that his intention wasn't to hurt me or anyone or anyone else but he just couldn't do it anymore. Suicide? He could not be alluding that, could he?
    I told him I was coming over. He said, painfully, that I didn't know where he lived anymore. He was right. I lied. "Yeah I do." I concluded, "I'm on my way." I called up the five most important people in my life, which conveniently were the most important in his as well. We met in a matter of minutes and then the few of them that had been to his apartment led us there.
     As we approached the door I felt panic wash over me. What kind of scene had I just led them to. Was this safe? Were we in danger? Whatever was beyond that door was going to change our lives.

       We knocked. No one answered. The door was unlocked. Slowly I opened it and let him know we were there. First sight was bloody tissues on the table, a gun, and a note. Before I had to process all that was going on he came out from his bedroom. He looked unharmed. He sat and started apologizing profusely. Tears poured down all of our faces. Silence followed.
     I prayed and prayed until the spirit whispered to begin singing, I Know That My Redeemer Lives. Sheepishly I began, "I know that my reedemer lives." No one joined, no one moved. "What comfort this sweet sentence gives." Tears continued to roll down my face. "He lives, He lives who once was dead, He lives, my ever-living head." And then as if a choir of angels joined in we all sang together. Verse after verse. And then hymn after hymn. Peace filled the room. The Spirit testified of God's love.
       We got to a point where there was so much hope in the room we could begin speaking openly and with the spirit. He was given a blessing and healing began to take place.

        This week in my studies I read, "For the Lord shall comfort Zion, he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving and the voice of melody." (2Ne.8:3) "Remember, to be carnally-minded is death, and to be spiritually-minded is life eternal." (2Ne.9:39)

        I'm reminded of a favorite five verses of mine from the Old Testament. Elijah is running away from his home, his life is being sought, and he has been fighting for righteousness for quite sometime. We enter the story in 1Kings 19:4,

"But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said It is enough; now O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers. And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree behold, then an angel touched him and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and behold there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. And the angel of the LORD came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. And he arouse, and did eat and drink and went in the strength of that meat..."  

      Life is hard. Succeeding through human nature is impossible. We are powerfully reminded of that in these verses, "the journey is too great for thee". We must arise and eat. We must be reading our scriptures, saying our prayers, keeping the commandments and building a relationship with Jesus Christ. It is through that power that this life journey become joyous. It is through taking an active part of the gospel of Jesus Christ, we are guaranteed success.

       It is all thanks to the love of God, scripture study, and the atonement of Jesus Christ that I see my life's wildernesses and deserts become Eden, a garden of the Lord. I'm grateful for the scriptures to give me such fulfilling instruction and brightness of hope. I'm grateful for the experiences God gives me, hard and joyful, they lead me to Him, every.time.

I Could Build a Ship

     

      If 1 Nephi 17 was the only chapter given to us out of the Book of Mormon, that would be sufficiently powerful to convince my heart of the truthfulness of this sacred book. The inspiration and instruction found in those 55 versus left me feeling like I would never be the same.

 Instead of a traditional blog post I will just reviewing and highlighting a few of the things that empowered me today.

     The chapter starts out with Nephi reminding us that him and his family have been wandering in the wilderness for eight entire years now. The women have borne children and they have experienced afflictions of every kind. Yet Nephi, of all things to mention, says, "And so great were the blessing of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong."
    
   Sure after bug bites, blistered feet, losing all possessions, cold nights, hot days, and limited social contacts, clearly, you've been super blessed. What?! What would I give to have to perception and gratitude of Nephi. He remembered all that the Lord has done for him. It wasn't that God had gave them this awful life and then expected worship. Rather, Nephi understood that God had saved that from imminent destruction, he gave them a promised future with a promised land, and a legacy that would forever change the world. I have a feeling that even if the women weren't able to "give suck to their children", Nephi would have still felt gratitude. 

    Continuing on, (We still are on verse 2....), the family is finally out of the thick of trees and reaches a body of water. At one particular point Nephi hears a whispering telling him, "Arise, and get thee into the mountain..."

     [Ever heard the temple be called the mountain of the Lord? Ever feel like you should go? Did you respond in the positive and do so quickly? How relatable is Nephi's call to come!] 

   Nephi goes and receives instruction that he is to build a ship to carry him and his family across the water. His response is, "Lord, whiter shall I go that I may find ore to molten that I may make tools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?" 

       I remember being asked by the Lord to do particular things in my life. Go on a mission, go to college, be the relief society president, or even reach out and form a friendship with someone. Each of these experiences ended up becoming the most powerful and amazing opportunities I've ever been give, yet I unfortunately cannot say that my response was, "For sure Heavenly Father, how do you want me to go about it." Rather, I doubted complained, and feared. This is not said to deprecate myself but relate to what I see as a commonality in many of us. What if instead of freaking out we just said, "I'll do it."? How many more life changing and character making experiences would we be given? Nephi rocks.

   1 Nephi 17:17 "And when my brethren saw that I was about to build a ship they began to murmur against me, saying: Our brother is a fool, for he thinketh that he can build a ship; yea, and he also thinketh that he can cross these great waters." 

     As Nephi demonstrates faith in the commandments he has been given, his brothers choose to ridicule and mock. I could write a whole entire blog dedicated to a horrible habit so many of us have of bringing people down to a place where they don't push us to be better or have any qualities that we are intimidated by... 

    This triggers something is Nephi. Instead of discouragement, his testimony fires up and reproaches his brothers. He starts by reminding them of the story of Moses. He asks, if God could save an entire people for the hand of the Egyptians why could he not build a boat? How about us? If God can save an entire people why can't He give us the power to do amazing things with our lives?! It is up to our faith. 

    Nephi reminds us in verse 41, continuing to discus the Israelites leaving Egypt, "He (God) sent fiery serpents among them and after they were bitten he prepared a way that they might be healed..." He allows us to get bitten but by putting forth even just a little bit of effort we can, and will be healed.

     We than come to verses that ought to shake us to the very core. He calls out his brothers, (vs 15) "Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember that Lord your God." He reminds them that they have seen angels, they have heard the voice of God from time to time, but that they "were past hearing".

    WAKE UP. That is the risk we all take when choosing to refrain from doing daily scripture study, daily prayer, or any of the other commandments and suggestions of modern day prophets. Are you choosing to listen to the spirit? Is that your first priority? What is interfering with that?

   This verse was written for us individually, (vs46) "And ye also know that by the power of his almighty word he can cause the earth that it shall pass away; yea, and ye know that by his word he can cause the rough places to be made smooth and smooth places shall be broken up. O, then how is it that ye can be so hard in your hearts?"

   But the verse most powerful to me is number 50-51, "...If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done. And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?"

You can do all thing is God and Jesus Christ.

   This chapter is more full than I would ever have energy to write in a blog. I know that this book is true. I know that this single chapter holds so much truth and instruction I will be able to return to it time and time again and that it will always lead to progress.

Nephi, you're the man.

Any insights you love?