So You Think You've Got Me Pegged

From being told I'm never in the same place long enough to meet someone, to "no guy wants a girl who doesn't keep her legs shaved", the classic, "You aren't putting yourself out there enough", or the slightly altered, "you aren't putting out enough", here are the top two things I can't stand to hear as a single woman---

1. The conversation that goes like this:

Hopefully Not You: "So...are you dating anyone?"
Me: "You know, I'm actually not."
Hopefully Not You: "Oh, well, ah, I'm sorry!!! *awkward pause* *clears throat* *Looks away*"

Oh, I'm sorry... does me being single make you uncomfortable? Have you forgotten how to communicate with people that aren't in a committed relationship? You know we have our own language. It mostly consists of us crying and quoting sad break-up songs. It's especially hard to understand because we usually have a big spoonful of Ben and Jerry's in our mouth. Awkward.

No worries, Squirmy. Just quickly segue into the following--
- My rad travels.
- How I'm a b.a. teacher that is changing lives every single day.
- My new fitness regiment that has me looking hotter than ever.
-My latest diagnosis I've conjured up on Web M.D.
-My obsession with puppies and most baby animals.

All are safe topics that will keep you comfortable and help us both remember that my life is insanely fulfilling without having a "better half".

2. "You know what, you're single because you're just too picky."

Oh boy. Here is the comment that has been getting under my skin, boiling my blood, and that might just cause me to join the nearest convent.

Before the rant totally begins let me preface this by saying, thank you for caring and trying to help. Thank you for your good intentions. Thank you for thinking I'm so hot and funny that of course I'm the one that is being picky. That is exactly why (for the most part) I haven't said these things to your face. However....

Rant:

I'm being too picky? Really?!

What that says to me is, I'm not willing to go out of my comfort zone to give people a chance. It means that I have a narrow mind and a rigid mold that I expect everyone to fit into. It says that I shouldn't have the expectations and standards that I have. Have you not seen the hairs growing above your lip, Britt? Have you not noticed you aren't getting any younger? You laugh too loud and dance like a freak-- date the dude with the issues, girl. It means that you don't think I deserve the best. It says that I am single because I have chosen to be.

I get it. My dating life doesn't look like yours did, so I must be doing something wrong.

Want to know why I'm single? Let's take the last two weeks...

First guy we'll call "L".(No pun intended) (...ok, pun intended) I went out to a new restaurant with some friends. The owner was overly welcoming and spent the majority of our meal chatting with us. We bonded over our love for fortune cookies. She told me about her son who is single. He sounded good on paper! Pharmacist, 35 (a little older than I generally date, but hey, who can afford to be picky ha-ha), and a good guy. Even though the pictures she showed me almost guaranteed I wouldn't be attracted to him, I decided to give it a go.

Days later "L" and I were off to dinner. Not only did he criticize what I had chosen to order, but he was put off that I didn't want dessert or a drink. He scoffed, "You don't need to treat me like I'm poor. I can buy you a full meal." I didn't see him offering to pay for my gym membership though, so again I politely declined.

Conversation was stale until I asked him if he liked camping. I made a huge mistake. His face twisted into a look of utter disgust and puzzlement. "Do you like to mock the progress we've made as a society? Elements are suppose to be survived. Why would I like to throw myself into them?" He was serious. I wish he had been joking because my outburst of laughter would have been more appropriate.

Long story short we were far from compatible. Three days later his Mother called to say "shame on me" for not giving her son another chance. She demanded I call her back so naturally I blocked her number instead. Too bad. The food was really good at her restaurant. But, you're right. I'm being too picky. I should have let him talk down to me and mock my choices.

Second guy we'll call "P". We matched on a dating app which frankly has been my most successful route to meeting people.  We set up a date to go to Arby's in Sandy. He tried to sell it by calling it his "Fast Food Date Test". Okay, Prince Charming. While sorting out the details I asked him if he could we could meet in Lehi instead, which would be half way. Seemed fair enough, otherwise I would be spending more on gas than he would be on a milkshake. He countered that moving it wouldn't give us enough time because he had plans afterwards. I said I understood so suggested we move the meeting time up an hour to accommodate the both of us. This is the exact reply I got,

"Well then. I feel like I did something wrong here let's bag it. Have nice life. I don't feel like this was well explained not to make me feel weird and creepy. Which I am not. Take luck. And Cheers."

No guys, those aren't my spelling or grammar errors those are his. No guys, I'm not exaggerating. I took a screenshot of the text because I knew you would think that. D.M. me and I might just show you.
WHAT?! Can we call it like it is? He's crazy. Legitimately crazy. But, you're right. I'm being too picky. I should have tried to make amends and given it a real shot.

One last example. There is a man in my life who is absolutely amazing. He is kind, gentle, hard working, intelligent, handsome, spiritual, and a million other things that make me swoon. (He even likes camping!) We met years ago but had lost contact for quite sometime. Recently we reconnected and I knew he was an opportunity I didn't want to miss. I let him know exactly where I stood. I made myself completely vulnerable. He didn't shut me down, but he didn't reciprocate either. In the month that we've been reconnected he has never accepted any of my invitations, he has never shown growth in interest despite us communicating often, he has never made a move. The writing on the wall says, he's just not into me. But, you're right. The reason I'm single is because I'm too picky. Let's just not acknowledge that sometimes I have to pick myself up after rejection/unrewarded vulnerability. I'm choosing to be single, right?

So, maybe you have a problem with my relationship status or think that my nose is far too turned up. Good for you. I think I'm living a really awesome life that some guy is going to be really lucky to share with me one day.

Anyways, if you know a single, 6'0", blue eyed, guy that makes 100K a year send him my way.
Otherwise I might just die alone...


Oh and he better love camping.

An Open Letter To My Missionary Self.

January 11, 2017

Dear Hermana Pasquale,

I love you. Today for the first time in years I took a few moments to read through some of your journals and letters. Each one brought the fondest memories. It filled my heart with a warmth that is so unique and special. You are more powerful than you would have ever thought. You are working harder than you are giving yourself credit for. Quite possibly most importantly though, you are inspiring me in ways I’m sure you never expected. Thank you, and what do you say we catch up?

So, I’ll put your mind at ease, because I know it’s the burning question; no, you don’t marry Jake. You’ll be okay, I promise. To be honest, I’m still not sure who that lucky man will be. There will be a lot of losers that will take up way too much of your time, and there will be a lot of amazing guys that deserve a chance that unfortunately won’t be granted that opportunity. (Your missed opportunity in the end, sorry Sister) And I can’t forget to mention that there will be times when it just simply doesn’t work out. Turns and bends in the road can be overwhelming but don’t stress too much, amongst the extremes you will meet some good, life changing people. Our Heavenly Father wants you to know that there is no need to ever compromise your expectations because He has a plan, and that plan includes someone even better than what you have imagined. Stay worthy of that blessing.

I know you are scared to go back to school. I’m going to tell you something important though--you’re gonna rock it.Turns out you aren’t dumb. It is going to make you cry, it’s going to give you anxiety, and it will push you almost too hard. Do. Not. Dismay. There will be a day where you’re sitting in an upper level class, graduation finally in sight, (while you study a major you only half saw coming) and your colleagues will gently tease you about never being able to catch up to the pace you set in your classes. That “possessed workhorse” President Carter so loving labeled  you as will stay inside. You are going to be so proud of yourself.

I need to be frank with you about a few things though. Even with all the gusto in the world beaming from that spirit of yours, things will get hard. There will be times you make choices that far from match who you are. I am so sorry. You are going to find that the spirit of the mission doesn’t always stay as present as you expected. Good people, pillars in your life, will stray from the gospel. This will hurt. Pride will lure you in with cheap tricks and flashy promises. Loneliness and insecurity will accent your life. There will be dark days ahead.

In a musical that you love they sing, “Even the darkest night will end, and the sun will rise.” You will find that to be an absolute truth. Even with wrong choices, and moments of stupidity, that you will unavoidably face, you will always find the light. You will still be able to close your eyes and feel His hands resting on your shoulders. You will still be able to hear your Heavenly Father’s whisperings encouraging you to be bold, imploring you to apologize, beckoning you to come, and leading you to go.

Be brave, Hermana. He will draw roads on your maps. He will help you conquer mountains. He will give you the sky and the sea. The scriptures will always be your life vest. The temple will always be your escape. There will be people desperately in need of your love, and there will be people that offer you that love when you will so need it. Prepare to be a leader and stay humble enough to follow---both positions lie ahead. You will never be alone. You will never lose your testimony. And you will always work to be better, because it matters to you.

Thank you for showing me how to do hard things.Thank you for showing me who I can be. I am forever indebted to the service you rendered. I love you. I promise to make you proud.

Most sincerely (con mucho amor),

Brittney Nicole Pasquale  

Moving on May

       
           Tis the season for so many transitions. May and August are quite the months when living a single college life. It is when large groups of people take big new steps in their lives and when we all strive to make any adjustments necessary to assure a brighter future. It's exciting, it's refreshing, yet at times it can be emotional.
         This May a handful of really special amazing people are taking off on adventures! I'm excited and inspired by them. Something I've noticed however, is that this is giving me the silliest sense of abandonment. Clearly, that is an exaggerated and dramatic way to express my sadness but it gets the point across. I become attached to people easily. I depend on the friendships I build, probably a little too much. I don't have a husband or children to dote on or shower with attention and affection so these friendships fill the gap. As logic would have it these relationships come and go as life goes on.          As I tried to process my feelings about the seemingly major changes in my social circle the video posted above came to mind. I was reminded of the only relationship that needs to define who I am. Earthly relationships are so super important but should never out weigh or over shadow the only relationship that truly matters in the end.
         Off I go with my head up, confident that God will place wonderful people in my path, and help me maintain the relationships I love so dearly, near and far. He always gives me the best. Anyways, know that I love and value you and God does even more! Have a great week!

Where I Belong

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

I know who I am

I know God's plan

I'll follow Him in faith

I believe in the Savior, Jesus Christ

I'll honor His name.

I'll do what is right

I'll follow His light.

His truth I will proclaim.

This week has renewed my confidence and faith in the phrases above. The gospel is so so good. I'm so honored to be a member of this church. Have questions about it? Ask me more! NOTHING brings more happiness, confidence, or direction! As I read in Alma 12:15, "He has all power to save every man." I know that is true! 

Safe Harbors

         

          This week I received news that my friend and neighbor had passed away. I was impressed with the openness of his family during the funeral service. They talked about his battle with addiction and how although it ended up taking his earthly life his spirit lives on and has the ability and opportunity to fulfill his eternal potential still. You'll be greatly missed around here, Josh.
          We had the opportunity to listen to the General Women's broadcast this week as well. The messages were perfectly synced. There was a quote from Sister Marriott that I really loved. She said, "Love is making space in your life for someone else." They talked about reaching out, serving more, and loving all.

          My heart has been repeating the lyrics to one of my favorite EFY songs following these two experiences.

Safe Harbors:
There are refugees among us
That are not from foreign shores;
And the battles they are waging
Are from very private wars.
And there are no correspondents
Documenting all their grief,
But these refugees among us all
Are yearning for relief.

There are refugees among us.
They don't carry flags or signs.
They are standing right beside us
In the market check out lines;
And the war they've been fighting
It will not be televised,
But the story of their need for love
Is written in their eyes.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.

Can you see through their disguises?
Can you hear what words won't tell?
Some are losing faith in Heaven
'Cause their life's a living Hell.
Is there anyone to help those
Who have no where else to flee?
For the only arms protecting them
belong to you and me.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.
Can you feel the pleas of the refugees
For safe harbors of the heart?

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.
Can you feel the pleas of the refugees
For safe harbors of the heart?

        My friend Josh Curtis said of today, Easter, "It is a good time and reminder that there is redemption for us all, and renewal, and that a tomb was empty so that we need not be." 

     I'm grateful to be trusted with the responsibility to reach out and hold my brothers and sisters. I'm also grateful for everyone who has been there for me. I'm grateful for a perfectly understanding Savior, friends and family who love and support me, and for the opportunity we each have to try again and again.

Happy Sunday, I love you! 

The Spirit of God

   

         It was the slow and subtle concessions to the temptations and lies of Satan that led me to the point I found myself at. A member of the church my entire life, sitting as a missionary in the MTC, I was having a crisis of faith. I was sure that I had never felt the spirit in my entire life. I had this doubt in my heart for sometime. It had caused so much anxiety that it truly prevented me from having the experiences necessary to regaining the confidence I had once enjoyed. After offering up dozens of prayers using my mustard seed of faith God finally saw an opportunity He knew would break the walls down from around my heart.
         We filed into the Tuesday devotional and to my great surprise a fellow missionary, David Archuleta, was singing a special musical number. He began singing The Spirit of God. It was in half Spanish half English. His voice quivered with conviction. A mixture of his personal status combined with the spirit he brought claimed the room with silence. I remember hearing the first line of the song--matching it's title, "The Spirit of God like a fire is burning" I said in my heart, "It must be, I know it's there..." At the time is was only a hope. My deep desire to feel and hear it finally was granted and became reality. My heart was burning, my stilled spirit began to sing, I openly wept, and in that moment became a transformed person. I could never, ever, again question the reality of the spirit in my life or more so, as a real, literal, presence.
       Today in the dedication for the Provo City Center Temple, following tradition, we sang that same song. I felt, again, the Spirit overwhelmingly embrace me. Unable to sing without crying the entire second verse I thought back to how far I've come, and how often I allow the Spirit communicate to me in a way that I could explain to be like a fire. I want to be better at that. I want to have powerful experiences that remind me of how close Heavenly help is many times a day.
       This week I was reading in Alma 7 and what struck me most was the manner in which Alma talks about the Spirit in his life. One small example is verse 8 we read, "Behold, I do not say that he will come among us at the time of his dwelling in his mortal tabernacle; for behold, the Spirit hat not said unto me that this should be the case. Now as to this thing I do not know; but this much I do know, that the Lord God hath power to do all things which are according to his word."  Also in vs 14, "Now I say unto you that ye must repent and be born again, for the Spirit saith if ye are not born again ye cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven...." It's seven different occasions in this short chapter that he talks about what the Spirit says. I love that communication is so clear, so familiar, so matter-of-fact, and seems to be such a natural voice to be speaking out loud for.
        I know that each of has the privilege of that relationship with the Holy Ghost. It's worth living in a way where that's possible. I know it is. Nothing beats the comfort, guidance, and confidence that it offers.

I love you. The Spirit of God, like a fire, is burning. Listen, feel, and wait for it. I promise you it will come!

Tale of An All-Nighter

      

          I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a confident teacher. We've talked about this in previous blogs. It's a talent that I've worked really hard at and practice every single day. I LOVE it and have had only the best feelings about each teaching opportunity.
        That's why when the idea of being a seminary teacher was presented it felt like such natural choice. The whole process has been a delight for me. I was excited to go to class each week and left feeling like I was walking in Heaven. Truly, it has shown me a level of happiness and communion with the spirit that I don't think I've experienced since being in the MTC.
        At first this class was just for enrichment. There are certain levels of education that you have to be at before being considered. (I'm a semester or two away from being there.) I planned on taking the course to see if it was a good fit, and once I saw that it was definitely was, I resolved to come retake it upon arriving the proper benchmark.
        My teacher was well-aware of this which is why it was such a shock when he invited me to continue to the next level of the program. I had the opportunity to teach once more! He was making an exception for me!
         I was assigned Isaiah 1-5. It didn't worry me too much regardless of the reputation he carries of difficulty. I knew the kids were smart and I love taking a tricky piece of material and making it into something simple and clear.
        The strangest thing happened as I began to prepare, however. Every students lame excuse for not doing their homework became my reality. One small example is, while typing out my lesson plan the computer buzzed and turned all my labored over notes into gibberish. There was nothing that could be done, I had to start over. That had never happened before. So long story short, everything was getting ruined, as I prepared nothing felt quite right, unexpected to-do's came up, and I even got two paper cuts. Planning was a real pain.
      Finally with the help of a patient roommate and helpful friends I was able to complete my plan and practice my lesson. Their reaction was a little less than exciting, and I didn't feel overjoyed myself with the material but, it reached a place where I felt like what I had done was sufficient.
        I went to bed that night sure that God would take the short-comings and make them great. I never expected what followed. Forty-five minutes after falling asleep (which was difficult to begin with...) I woke up short of breath and feeling incredibly sick. It wasn't illness it was a panic attack. I has experienced this awful thing before-- the day before I entered and the day before I left the MTC. I shook in my bed, I felt fear encompass every inch of my body, stomach churning, breath short. I begged Heavenly Father to let me sleep. I had to be up at 5am--but nothing. It was one of the longest and more difficult nights of my life.
       I stared up at my ceiling waiting for the alarm to go off. I rolled out of bed attempted to put myself together as the trembling perused, and began my drive to the school. I felt completely spent. Empty. Exhausted. I continued praying 'til I entered the classroom. Peace totally came over me. My lesson went smoothly. I had energy. I felt the same bliss that I had experienced each class period  before. I felt His hands on my shoulders.
        It was a few hours following my lesson that I received an e-mailing me inviting me to continue in the program. How could it be? Me? God has once again shown that He can take a lump of clay and make it into a functioning vessel.
         This week my scripture study posed the questions.... (Alma 5:26-28)

 26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?

 27 Have ye walked, keeping yourselves blameless before God? Could ye say, if ye were called to die at this time, within yourselves, that ye have been sufficiently humble? That your garments have been cleansed and made white through the blood of Christ, who will come to redeem his people from their sins?

 28 Behold, are ye stripped of pride? I say unto you, if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God.

     I'm so grateful for opportunities I have to remember how much I need God, how much I hate Satan, and how much room I have to grow. He makes me all that I am and I could do nothing without Him. Pain in growth is always shadowed by the joy of success found inside the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

          The powers of those unseen are real. There is so much good and so much bad around us. I know that as we strive to submit only to the good we will be unstoppable. The powers of Hell and Satan cannot concur God--so we can't choose to surrender.

      "I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs and that Heavenly promises are always kept." -Elder Holland

The church is true! Love you all! 'Til next week!