Safe Harbors

         

          This week I received news that my friend and neighbor had passed away. I was impressed with the openness of his family during the funeral service. They talked about his battle with addiction and how although it ended up taking his earthly life his spirit lives on and has the ability and opportunity to fulfill his eternal potential still. You'll be greatly missed around here, Josh.
          We had the opportunity to listen to the General Women's broadcast this week as well. The messages were perfectly synced. There was a quote from Sister Marriott that I really loved. She said, "Love is making space in your life for someone else." They talked about reaching out, serving more, and loving all.

          My heart has been repeating the lyrics to one of my favorite EFY songs following these two experiences.

Safe Harbors:
There are refugees among us
That are not from foreign shores;
And the battles they are waging
Are from very private wars.
And there are no correspondents
Documenting all their grief,
But these refugees among us all
Are yearning for relief.

There are refugees among us.
They don't carry flags or signs.
They are standing right beside us
In the market check out lines;
And the war they've been fighting
It will not be televised,
But the story of their need for love
Is written in their eyes.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.

Can you see through their disguises?
Can you hear what words won't tell?
Some are losing faith in Heaven
'Cause their life's a living Hell.
Is there anyone to help those
Who have no where else to flee?
For the only arms protecting them
belong to you and me.

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.
Can you feel the pleas of the refugees
For safe harbors of the heart?

This is a call to arms,
To reach out and to hold
The evacuees from the dark.
This is a call to arms,
To lead anguished souls
To safe harbors of the heart.
Can you feel the pleas of the refugees
For safe harbors of the heart?

        My friend Josh Curtis said of today, Easter, "It is a good time and reminder that there is redemption for us all, and renewal, and that a tomb was empty so that we need not be." 

     I'm grateful to be trusted with the responsibility to reach out and hold my brothers and sisters. I'm also grateful for everyone who has been there for me. I'm grateful for a perfectly understanding Savior, friends and family who love and support me, and for the opportunity we each have to try again and again.

Happy Sunday, I love you! 

The Spirit of God

   

         It was the slow and subtle concessions to the temptations and lies of Satan that led me to the point I found myself at. A member of the church my entire life, sitting as a missionary in the MTC, I was having a crisis of faith. I was sure that I had never felt the spirit in my entire life. I had this doubt in my heart for sometime. It had caused so much anxiety that it truly prevented me from having the experiences necessary to regaining the confidence I had once enjoyed. After offering up dozens of prayers using my mustard seed of faith God finally saw an opportunity He knew would break the walls down from around my heart.
         We filed into the Tuesday devotional and to my great surprise a fellow missionary, David Archuleta, was singing a special musical number. He began singing The Spirit of God. It was in half Spanish half English. His voice quivered with conviction. A mixture of his personal status combined with the spirit he brought claimed the room with silence. I remember hearing the first line of the song--matching it's title, "The Spirit of God like a fire is burning" I said in my heart, "It must be, I know it's there..." At the time is was only a hope. My deep desire to feel and hear it finally was granted and became reality. My heart was burning, my stilled spirit began to sing, I openly wept, and in that moment became a transformed person. I could never, ever, again question the reality of the spirit in my life or more so, as a real, literal, presence.
       Today in the dedication for the Provo City Center Temple, following tradition, we sang that same song. I felt, again, the Spirit overwhelmingly embrace me. Unable to sing without crying the entire second verse I thought back to how far I've come, and how often I allow the Spirit communicate to me in a way that I could explain to be like a fire. I want to be better at that. I want to have powerful experiences that remind me of how close Heavenly help is many times a day.
       This week I was reading in Alma 7 and what struck me most was the manner in which Alma talks about the Spirit in his life. One small example is verse 8 we read, "Behold, I do not say that he will come among us at the time of his dwelling in his mortal tabernacle; for behold, the Spirit hat not said unto me that this should be the case. Now as to this thing I do not know; but this much I do know, that the Lord God hath power to do all things which are according to his word."  Also in vs 14, "Now I say unto you that ye must repent and be born again, for the Spirit saith if ye are not born again ye cannot inherit the kingdom of heaven...." It's seven different occasions in this short chapter that he talks about what the Spirit says. I love that communication is so clear, so familiar, so matter-of-fact, and seems to be such a natural voice to be speaking out loud for.
        I know that each of has the privilege of that relationship with the Holy Ghost. It's worth living in a way where that's possible. I know it is. Nothing beats the comfort, guidance, and confidence that it offers.

I love you. The Spirit of God, like a fire, is burning. Listen, feel, and wait for it. I promise you it will come!

Tale of An All-Nighter

      

          I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a confident teacher. We've talked about this in previous blogs. It's a talent that I've worked really hard at and practice every single day. I LOVE it and have had only the best feelings about each teaching opportunity.
        That's why when the idea of being a seminary teacher was presented it felt like such natural choice. The whole process has been a delight for me. I was excited to go to class each week and left feeling like I was walking in Heaven. Truly, it has shown me a level of happiness and communion with the spirit that I don't think I've experienced since being in the MTC.
        At first this class was just for enrichment. There are certain levels of education that you have to be at before being considered. (I'm a semester or two away from being there.) I planned on taking the course to see if it was a good fit, and once I saw that it was definitely was, I resolved to come retake it upon arriving the proper benchmark.
        My teacher was well-aware of this which is why it was such a shock when he invited me to continue to the next level of the program. I had the opportunity to teach once more! He was making an exception for me!
         I was assigned Isaiah 1-5. It didn't worry me too much regardless of the reputation he carries of difficulty. I knew the kids were smart and I love taking a tricky piece of material and making it into something simple and clear.
        The strangest thing happened as I began to prepare, however. Every students lame excuse for not doing their homework became my reality. One small example is, while typing out my lesson plan the computer buzzed and turned all my labored over notes into gibberish. There was nothing that could be done, I had to start over. That had never happened before. So long story short, everything was getting ruined, as I prepared nothing felt quite right, unexpected to-do's came up, and I even got two paper cuts. Planning was a real pain.
      Finally with the help of a patient roommate and helpful friends I was able to complete my plan and practice my lesson. Their reaction was a little less than exciting, and I didn't feel overjoyed myself with the material but, it reached a place where I felt like what I had done was sufficient.
        I went to bed that night sure that God would take the short-comings and make them great. I never expected what followed. Forty-five minutes after falling asleep (which was difficult to begin with...) I woke up short of breath and feeling incredibly sick. It wasn't illness it was a panic attack. I has experienced this awful thing before-- the day before I entered and the day before I left the MTC. I shook in my bed, I felt fear encompass every inch of my body, stomach churning, breath short. I begged Heavenly Father to let me sleep. I had to be up at 5am--but nothing. It was one of the longest and more difficult nights of my life.
       I stared up at my ceiling waiting for the alarm to go off. I rolled out of bed attempted to put myself together as the trembling perused, and began my drive to the school. I felt completely spent. Empty. Exhausted. I continued praying 'til I entered the classroom. Peace totally came over me. My lesson went smoothly. I had energy. I felt the same bliss that I had experienced each class period  before. I felt His hands on my shoulders.
        It was a few hours following my lesson that I received an e-mailing me inviting me to continue in the program. How could it be? Me? God has once again shown that He can take a lump of clay and make it into a functioning vessel.
         This week my scripture study posed the questions.... (Alma 5:26-28)

 26 And now behold, I say unto you, my brethren, if ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, I would ask, can ye feel so now?

 27 Have ye walked, keeping yourselves blameless before God? Could ye say, if ye were called to die at this time, within yourselves, that ye have been sufficiently humble? That your garments have been cleansed and made white through the blood of Christ, who will come to redeem his people from their sins?

 28 Behold, are ye stripped of pride? I say unto you, if ye are not ye are not prepared to meet God.

     I'm so grateful for opportunities I have to remember how much I need God, how much I hate Satan, and how much room I have to grow. He makes me all that I am and I could do nothing without Him. Pain in growth is always shadowed by the joy of success found inside the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

          The powers of those unseen are real. There is so much good and so much bad around us. I know that as we strive to submit only to the good we will be unstoppable. The powers of Hell and Satan cannot concur God--so we can't choose to surrender.

      "I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs and that Heavenly promises are always kept." -Elder Holland

The church is true! Love you all! 'Til next week!

Learning to Run

My blog starts with this incredible song today :)

My favorite section of lyrics reads:         Sometimes I feel like
                                                    I've never been nothing but tired
                                                    And I'll be working
                                                    Till the day I expire
                                                    Sometimes I lay down
                                                    No more can I do
                                                    But then I go on again
                                                    Because you ask me to

     This week it was easy to relate to the song. I balance two jobs (40+ hours a week), full time school (with three nasty midterms this week), keeping up a social life, making time for church responsibilities, and then I just added teaching another seminary class into the mix. Before it sounds too whiny let me say, I LOVE WHAT I DO! If I didn't love it, I wouldn't do it. However fatigue creeps in. I start to feel like I've spread myself too thin and when it comes time to do the very most important things my energy seems futile. 

      It's the classic object lesson. You have to fit rocks, water, and pebbles into a jar without having anything spill out. It is impossible to accomplish unless you put the rocks (symbolizing spiritual priorities) in first. However, I'm gonna 'fess up--I don't always remember to do that. I know that the problem I'm going to discuss would be resolved if I would simply remember to prioritize and always put spiritual things first.

       Sometimes I do a bad job at reading my scriptures. Sometimes I kneel down in prayer to end my day and fall asleep before I can say "amen." Sometimes I cancel my trips to the temple to fit it more study time because I used my original time to do that hanging out with friends. Sometimes I'm really lame and forget what's most important. 

       The effects of my bad balancing can lead to potentially very dangerous consequences. As I slack in my diligence I begin to lose momentum--in all things. I begin to feel bad about the things I'm not giving enough attention to. I begin to feel like I can't accomplish anything. I begin to feel like all my hard work, especially in refining my testimony is getting lost. I feel like Satan is biting at my heels waiting for me to not accomplish my visiting teaching, or go to the temple, or have the ability to listen and understand the spirit. 

       This is when I begin to feel like I'm running. The visual I have is me running towards some distant light, although the majority of the world around me is dark. I have that feeling of someone being behind me. It's so ominous. I'm running and running, out of breath, to avoid the seemingly unavoidable overtake of this darkness. It's exhausting. 

        But, wait. Then I make time for the gospel. I bring it back to the top priority. I study my scriptures first, I pray sincerely, I act immediately on spiritual promptings, and my vision changes. I'm no longer running away from darkness, I'm running towards my Savior. The visual is brightness. The feeling is joyful anticipation. I'm giddy. Energy isn't even a question because I'm so focused on getting to the One who makes me whole, I don't even notice that I'm running. 

       Today in my study I read, Mosiah 27:29 "My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity, I was in the darkest abyss, but now I behold the marvelous light of God." 

        I know that as I strive to put God first life becomes a joy. My perspective shifts dramatically and I am able to accomplish more than I ever believed possible.

Find rest in God. Keep your priorities straight. Remember that you aren't running from Satan but running towards Christ. I love you and appreciate you! Happy Sunday! 

Porn Kills Love--Good or Bad Movement?

         

           The ads are pretty hard to miss, "PORN KILLS LOVE" is all over each of our Facebook feeds. Not only that but the T-shirts with the same logo are proudly worn by many. Oh, and did I mention the organization came and did assembly at the Jr. High I work at? If this is the first thing you've heard of the phrase, here is what is what I'm taking about: fightthenewdrug.org

          I've been a big fan of this movement from the first time I've seen it. In fact I'd bet good money I'm getting one of their shirts for my birthday. It wasn't until this last weekend that I saw it in a different light.
           My dear friend and I had gotten into the conversation about this group and he said, "I feel like for every step forward that they take, they take two steps back." I was pretty surprised. Awareness to such a destructive habit had only been good in my mind. He explained that he felt like it was detrimental to be telling people that struggle with pornography that "love was killed".
         Don't misunderstand, we both agreed there needs to be open discussion on the effects pornography can and do have. What he was saying (as far as I understood) was that making people feel like the future serial killers and helpless, brainless, loveless, idiots wasn't the answer.
        This same week that I had this thought provoking conversation I was reading in Mosiah 22-27. There is a group of people that are in Lamanite bondage and they are in the process of escaping. It really is a nail biter. As I read it felt as if the Lord giving me clarity and insight to the conversations of the week. Here's what I got:

                      (vs.9) "Remember the iniquity of king Noah and his priests (for application: people that participate in pornographic activities); and I myself was caught in a snare, and did many things which were abominable in the sight of the Lord, which caused me sore repentance.."  I'm not writing to advocate for lesser consequences or avoiding frank talks about pornography. Like the sins described in this verse it is abominable and ought to cause sore repentance. BUT there is more to it!

                        (vs.10) Nevertheless, after much tribulation, the Lord did hear my cries, and did answer my prayers, and has made me an instrument in his hands in bringing so many of you to a knowledge of his truth." 
 
                         (vs 12) And  now I unto you, ye have been oppressed by (pornography) and have been in bondage to (it)...therefore ye were bound with the bands of iniquity." 

             Now here is where the insights really started flowing:

              (vs 13) "And now as you have been delivered by the power of God out of these bonds, yea even out of the hands of (pornography) and also the bands of iniquity, even so I desire that ye should stand fast in this liberty wherewith YE HAVE BEEN MADE FREE and that ye trust no (sin) to be king over you. 

                and although the context doesn't quite match the phrase (vs 17), "except it were by him from God." ended this reading with such a bright light.

What I'm proposing is that maybe phrase "Porn kills love" isn't so bad and so destructive if you immediately follow it up with "Jesus Christ restores love". Sin is sin, and consequences are inevitable. We know that pornography is incredibly bad, no shying away from that. However, Jesus Christ has overcome the world and is your support. He'll fix the "craters" it might have blown in your mind (referring to a quote by Elder Holland-when he says that that is the effect of pornography). He makes you feel loved and teaches how to have pure love in your heart.

      He takes our imperfections, big or small, and makes us into something amazing. ALL of us. His love for us is NEVER killed. I love you too. Now to take the steps forward to trusting Him and letting him deliver us from bondage--allowing His love to be the love we need first and foremost.