BOO!!!

       As our chat was coming to a close my Aunt casually used a beloved Eleanor Roosevelt quote that changed my mind-set. "Do one thing every day that scares you." *Click*. I knew what I had to do.

Monday: It was time to pull down the old bike and go for a spin. That wasn't enough though. I called my dear friend who is SUPER fit, and loves to ride. I always wanted to go with him but our levels of fitness are so different it was always too intimidating. I picked up the phone, called him, and we went. Guess what the best part was? Although I was SO nervous going into it, it was a blast and now I've gone on several more rides! Scary?! Not as bad now!

Tuesday: I've always wanted to teach at the MTC. I love teaching, I love the gospel, I LOVE the MTC. It's a match made in heaven. Something that doesn't scare me are interviews. However, that's not how the MTC does it. You go in and teach. Logically, I guess. I didn't make sense. I was became petrified. I just about talked myself out of applying, but then these words rung in my head. 

           I have two amazing friends that carefully helped me prepare and make me feel the confidence I needed to go through with it. Off  I went and taught a empowering lesson, had my Spanish tested, and more than anything proved to myself I could do it! The happy ending is that I've been asked to come in for a second interview!! (PS- To clarify with my summer job boss, this wouldn't take start 'till August, don't worry! haha) 

Wednesday: School. It's one of my biggest insecurities. It's not that I'm dumb, it's just that I have a hard time buckling down sometimes. I don't know what I want to study. I HATE when the parking lot is full and I'm late to class. I hate when I study really hard and still don't know that answers to the test. School REALLY scares me. 

       This year I have had the privilege of working at PG Jr. High. There I have learned how important good study habits are. I've learned the importance of education. I've learned that we can do really hard things. The most important thing I've learned though, might be that I love learning. There is something so powerful about understand our world better. There is something SO confidence inspiring when you feel like you 'get-it'. 

      Off I went to UVU to get everything sorted out and get back on the road to higher education. There were several road blocks presented but, I am going to do it! I'm now re-enrolled and one step closer. It's still harder than I thought it'd be to get all sorted out but I'm not letting fear or anything else hold me back from what I want and need to do. 

Thursday: I am so non-confrontational. Sometimes I let people take advantage of my fear of having hard conversations. There was a big whale in front of me, that needed to be confronted however. They had been untruthful and as much as I was willing just to let it go and move on, the deceit had created road blocks. I have goals and aspirations that can't be met 'till this fear was hit head on. A hard conversation had to be had. Again, with the help of a friend, I literally practiced the talk, and went for it! Vague, I know. It went well, and even though I haven't quite seen the results I want, it'll come. (PS- This has nothing to do with my love life. Haha) 

      Oh! Also this day, I hiked the Y. That scares me 'cause it's steep. Don't worry, I did it, and even made it all the way to the top. Haha. 

Friday: I use to LOVE performing. I love singing, I love dancing! Then I went on a mission. I didn't have any opportunities to really use these talents. I tried to sing at baptisms or in sacrament meetings but considering I was the only personally that could play the piano that usually it made it tricky. I want to be good again, but it's discouraging to see how much ground I've lost. My range has greatly shrunk and my control is weak. I find myself straining where I use to sing easily and naturally. So annoying! 

      The opportunity came to sing, despite my looking for it.I got a call from one of my church leaders saying that Noelle Pikus Pace, Olympics gold medalist, was coming to do a devotional. This was going to be a wonderful event with up to hundreds of people. The next thing he said was that he'd like me to participate in a musical number with him and a handful of men from the church. I'd be the featured soloist. "Sure, that's be great!" (While actually freaking out inside.)

      We practice and I felt totally mellow about the whole thing, 'till it was time to go up there and do it. With a prayer in my heart we got through. It went really well and has made me want to continue pushing myself to use that talent. I text the music coordinator at my church and will now be singing a challenging solo for mothers day. Baby steps to stardom. (Hahaha, no, I don't want to be a "singer" when I grow up)

Saturday:  My BFF cousins, Ash and Joe, always joke that when I have DTR's it's not "Determine The Relationship" it's "Destroy The Relationship". I've gotten into the habit of just coasting through relationships without ever really knowing what we are or what we're thinking. It's not good. It's easy, but dumb. My goal is to find someone who wants take 'us' seriously. So, after a long "relationship" with this guy I decided it was time to have a talk. Holy cow was I scared!!! I spoke from my heart, and said all that I had always wanted to. 

       Unfortunately Ash and Joe's teasing turned to truth. He wasn't on the same page as me, and it ended up putting a HUGE detour in my plans. It hurt and made me really sad. I was mad that I could have just continued on this ignorant bliss path but no, "I just haaad to face my fears." I almost considered this a failure, but then I realize I was about to embark on something else that scares me, entering the world of dating. The prize at the end is awesome. So I've just got to do it, not matter how scary it is every single day. Being alone scares me but not trying is stupid.  

Sunday: Now this is an almost silly one. I love reading, but I could probably be perfectly content just reading and rereading Holes over and over again. There are all these wonderful books that I want to read but when I see that they're 800 pages long, and that they have a vocabulary that I know will challenge mine I opt out for something less intense. Not today though, nope! I picked it up and started reading. It's been a wonderful read, and I feel smarter. I seriously, actually feel smarter.

       What an amazing challenge. I've continued doing this and although I miss somedays, I know that I'm becoming a stronger person. I'm free because I'm not letting anything hold me back. Now here is an important question, how do we get the courage to do this? The answer I found might seem obvious but it's so real. Faith. Faith in Jesus Christ has given me the motivation to do what I didn't dare to do before. My weaknesses, failures, hurts, and shortcomings are made up through Him. If I try He'll pick up my slack and make it possible. I was never alone during those scary talks, fitness challenges or even during a teaching/job interview. 

        I now have made so many goals that I know  I will accomplish. I'm gonna run so many 5k's this summer, hike so many mountains, form so many new friendships and relationships. I'm going to learn and grow! I feel my confidence really, really blooming. I'm happier, and closer to my Savior everyday I do this. 

President Uchtdorf once said, “There are times when we have to step into the darkness in faith, confident that God will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do. And so I accepted gladly, knowing that God would provide.” 

    To end I post a visual aide I made to show the different levels of faith we're striving to obtain. Pray for more faith, and then get out there and get it!!! There is nothing holding you back that you can't overcome! 

Get it! Get it!