Freedom!

          "Yeah sure" just kinda slipped out. I would have never agreed had I actually thought about what was being asked of me. At this point in time I was hardly attending Sunday School let alone wanting to teach it. However, I'm not someone to go back on my word so I decided I'd just have to make it work.
         Throughout the week I was consumed by the stress of subbing this gospel doctrine class. Luckily my best friend was a confident teacher and incredibly knowledgeable in the gospel.  She was very kind and agreed to co-teach with me that Sunday.
        We prepared and practiced and finally Sunday came. I was sick to my stomach. As soon as I got in front of the class I froze. It truly was a saving grace having my friend by my side. My stomach ached, my eyes went blurry, my palms were sweaty, and my words were jumbled. I think I said maybe two sentences for the entire hour "we" were teaching.
          After that painful experience I vowed to never teach again.

          Now fast forward four years later. Since then I've served a mission, been called as a gospel doctrine teacher, been asked to teach relief society, give firesides, and put on devotionals. I hadn't considered this amazing change within myself until this week because of how slowly and subtly God had lead me to this point in time.
         This week held a really big landmark for me. I began student teaching as a seminary teacher. Now to be clear, I'm about a year away from actually entering the seminary teaching program so as of now it's just me getting 'wet behind the ears.' It's for me to gain experience teaching in a seminary situation.
          I spent hours preparing, I made all my friends allow me to practice teach them, I got up at 5 am so I could be there on time (I was teaching early morning so that I could get to my job on time.) and I was challenging myself to put together my first ever PowerPoint meant for teaching. To top it off I was asked to teach 2Kings 20-25--those chapters come off as a suuuuper drag until you do some digging.
         Moments before I stepped into the classroom I bowed my head to talk to Heavenly Father. It occured to me--I was a new person. He had taken this pathetic, nervous, and incompetent girl and turned me into someone who is willing to sacrifice anything to teach. Not only that but I can now do so with confidence and excitment; so much so I'm wanting to devote my whole entire life to it.
           We are the clay, He is the potter, and we must allow ourselves to be the works of His hands.

         This week I read in Mosiah 5:8, "And under this head (Jesus Christ) ye are made free..." It is all thanks to my relationship with Jesus Christ and my knowledge that I am God's daughter that I have been able to free myself from my feelings of being an inadequate teacher, or my fear of people seeing how little I feel like I know about the gospel. He has made me free.

Ether 12:27, "And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto them their weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, and have fiath in me then will I make weak things become stron unto them." 

    Include the Savior and your Father in all you're striving to become and I know that mountains will be moved. The most impossible and unlikely changes can happen.

   I love you and I'm excited for us to be more than we think we can be!

He said, "Be Mine"

     

        Stumbling onto her blog was rather happenstance. We had stopped following each other on Facebook a long while back, so I had lost total touch with what was going on in her life. So a few days ago, I began reading with great wonder.
      The back story is a typical high-school love triangle. I loved boy, she loved boy too, boy couldn't decide. We never knew each other as anything other than, the obstacle between "our soulmate". *swoon* Post graduation is when I was finally crowned the winner of this consuming battle. Boy chose me! We were in love. (Well...at least for a time...)
      Now here I am six years later, reading what happened to her since, "I won.". She wrote the most beautiful post detailing how she found her dream man. (Frankly he sounds like the dream man.) They live such a happy and wonderful life. She openly discusses the difficulties of life but above all the many, many blessings that she enjoys; highlighting her husband as the most grand blessing of all.
     It was a mix of giddiness from the romance of the story but mostly self-doubt, that I felt upon reading. All these years that I thought I had won were a deception. I, being more single than ever before, felt like the biggest loser.
      This went on for a couple days. It was the first time I longed for marriage. It was the first time that every part of me ached for companionship. I came up with lists of why I wasn't lovable. I began to criticize each decision I had made, leading myself to be nearly 25, and without so much as an admirer. To top it off that same weekend was the wedding of my most recent ex-boyfriend's wedding. (Haha, I didn't know I could pull off tragic lonely girl so well....)
        So before I lose all dignity, let's move on. Valentine's Day is likely my favorite holiday. I ravish this day dedicated to expressing love! I know, I know, we shouldn't need a day to do it, but that fact that it is there to act as a reminder and opportunity is wonderful. To top this year's V-Day off, it's fallen on my favorite day of the week, Sunday!
        As I was getting ready this morning, reading through the endless feed of sweet dedications I thought to myself, what do I have to say about the man that I love? Here is the beginnings of  what I could come up with:

• He makes me feel beautiful  
• He makes me be the best version of myself
• He loves my family and friends as much, if not even more than I do!
• He pushes me to do things I never thought possible
• He's the best teacher is the world (A trait that I LOVE)
• He is fiercely loyal
• He tells me I'm special
• If there are 99 other people in a room, he still manages to make me feel remembered and unique
• He makes me so, so incredibly happy. 
• He has a plan
• He is dedicated
• He loves kids
• He not only hears me but he listens to me
• He is willing to pick up the slack, every time my dedication to the relationship isn't what it deserves to be
•  He makes my past feel noble, my present feel secure, and my future bright and exciting

   I could go on and on and on.....
My Savior, Jesus Christ, loves me. I love him. Until I find that special someone, here on earth, I can feel completely whole knowing that I am not alone, and that the most perfect human being there ever was loves me.

Romans 8:35,37-39

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril of sword?

Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

For I am persuaded that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

      May we each feel completely loved today. Because that's the truth, we are. Even without the chocolates, long dedications on social media, or flowers, we are so so loved. I love you, and happy Valentine's Day

Equation of Happiness

HAPPY SUNDAY!

And not just because *SPOILER ALERT* The Broncos WON! 

       I'm reading in Mosiah, and eating up every word King Benjamin has to say! It's like music is playing in my heart and the sun has come out after a long winter!

      The few verses I wanted to share with you begin with Mosiah 4:41, "...consider in the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God."

Why is this verse so intriguing?

       I confess to personally focusing way too much on how sad I am by the bad choices being made. I acknowledge, easily, how sad of a state the fallen are in. However, I don't often put the blessed and happy state of the righteous in the forefront of my mind. Seriously though, aren't my most consistently happiest and most consistently confident friends and family members the ones that are living the gospel faithfully? The answer is so obviously, yes.

It was touching to hear a convert of nine months say in our fast and testimony meeting today, "Ever since I became a member of the Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter Day Saints my bad days are no longer so bad, and my dark times are still bright because of the hope and happiness I have obtained."

Consider the happy and blessed state of the righteous.

The last two verses I want to highlight are in Mosiah 4:11-12 " And again I say unto you as I have said before, that as ye have come to the knowledge of the glory of God, or if ye have known of his goodness and have tasted of his love and have received a remission of your sins, which causeth such exceedingly great joy in your should, even so I would that ye should remember, and always retain in remembrance the greatness of God and your own nothingness, and his goodness and long-suffering towards you, unworthy creatures, and humble yourselves even in the depths of humility, calling on the name of the Lord daily, and standing steadfastly in the faith of that which is to come, which was spoken by the mouth of the angel. And behold I say unto you that if ye do this ye shall always rejoice and be filled with the love of God, and always retain a remission of your sins, and ye shall grow in the knowledge of the glory of him that created you or in the knowledge of that which is just and true."  (POWERFUL equation right there! Want to always rejoice, be clean, etc?..,THIS IS HOW!)

SO empowering. SO true. SO encouraging. The gospel makes me feel limitless! The gospel gives me confidence! The gospel gives me wings. I.AM.SO.HAPPY!!!!!

Here's a link to a song that always makes me smile :) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rHASQg8fR0s

Together or Alone- I'm Going.

The dilemma.
        It was time for one of the most challenging finals of her entire college career. This teacher was infamous for writing test with questions covering things down to the minutest details of the droning lectures they had given several weeks prior. Everyone was divided into study groups for preparation.
        They sat gray faced in the library sharing notes and trying to makes sense of the complex material. As things were finally picking up, in walked Mr. Skip In His Step to save the day. He strutted up to the table and threw his backpack down. A dramatic unzipping and slow motion reach in followed. Out came the test that everyone was so furiously studying for. Was anyone else shocked? No one else seemed to feel anything other than utter relief.
*Pause Story*
       What now? We all know that the right answer is to refrain from cheating. Is it that simple though?

 

      I made this visual to help us get the idea of what needs to be considered. You stay and study with the test, you get a great grade, succeed with your classmates, remain comfortable in the class.  Negative to using the test, you feel bad, are being dishonest, lose the companionship of the Holy Ghost, run the chance of getting caught. Positivity to obedience, keep the Holy Ghost with you, follow the commandments, remain with good integrity. What about that last box? I think that this is the box that is all too often more powerful than it ought to be. The negative to obedience in this situation would be loss of camaraderie and likely friendships, potentially failing the test, hours studying that you could cut out, etc. 

       Are you ready for the cost of discipleship? Have you made the resolve that nothing  matters more than the eternal salvation that comes from always choosing obedience? 

        This week I read Jarom. A teeny tiny book in the Book of Mormon. Just one chapter. Jarom starts out by saying, "What could I write more than my fathers have written? For have they revealed the plan of salvation? I say unto, Yea; and this sufficeth me." He's saying that nothing else needs to be written or said, as long as God's plan for us has been mentioned. We know where we came from, we know why we're here, and we know where we're going. Do we really need a 'break-it-down-box' to help us make our decisions? Shouldn't we already know that obedience might often be the unpopular choice but will always have eternal benefits and sin will only bring temporary satisfaction and eternal consequences. 

       Luke 9:62, "And Jesus said unto him, No man having put this hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God."  Understanding and accepting the cost of discipleship is the first step to becoming the kind of person that God intends on us being. He will make it worth it. We might not have popularity, riches, or the other benefits from living a worldly life, but that leaves us in good company. (Jesus Christ, Joseph Smith, etc.)

        I am trying harder to remember that I have already committed my life to Him. I promised that to Him when I was eight years old, and then I recommit every single Sunday. Now if only I could follow through with that more gracefully....

      Christ is there to pick us up when we fall, He's there to give us another opportunity to choose the right. The Holy Ghost is there to help us remember. The scriptures are there to give us evidence and courage. There are so many safe holds in the gospel. We were meant to succeed! Let's make it easier on each other and personally resolve to be true disciples. 

      

      

STROKE-5 Years Later

       

       No work, so I got to sleep in. Ahh. This was gonna be the best day ever. Sun was breaking through the window. Not a care in the world.
        I heard Mom's cell phone ring two rooms over. Nothing peculiar, the woman is so popular. She starts getting phone calls at 8am and it doesn't stop ringing til 8pm. What was strange was this feeling I got. It was like a single butterfly was trying to wake up all his friends in my stomach. Had to shake it off, so I decided to get up. I knelt to pray and felt a calm wash over me and heard a whisper say, "Everything will be fine."
         Within seconds Mom came in. Wild-eyed but relatively calm. She said, "I think Charlie had a stroke. They have her at the hospital (in Logan) and have decided to life flight her to the U. I don't think things are looking good..." She was on her way out the door, and requested that I go get my siblings from school. We would wait for further instruction, but she wanted us ready to head up.
       Those few hours of not knowing anything wore heavily on my siblings. I remember trying to tell them the feelings I had experienced earlier but in crisis mode, it's hard to take other peoples premonitions too seriously.
       Long story short, by an incredible miracle Charlie survived. The first night we saw her was heart-breaking almost as much as it was a relief. She went from being the leader of the pack to this helpless girl. She couldn't talk, eat, remember certain things, walk, etc. Was this our new life?
        Today is the 5 year anniversary of the stroke. Not only has Charlie shown that she can't be held down, but God has proven His words. Things were okay that day, and things have continued to get better. The stroke taught me to be worthy of the whispering of the spirit, hold my family close, and remain positive.
       Sure glad you made it through, Char. Things might not be the same as they were before, but the stroke brought a lot of positivity. I'd even go so far as to say life is better because of it.

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

        I don't think I could fall asleep without praying. It's been a habit for as long as I can remember. Not even one memory of ending my day without at least saying a quick something to my Heavenly Father occurs. Not only that, but my morning's begin with a prayer. In addition, more often than not, I don't listen to music if I'm in my car alone--I like that chance it gives me to talk to my Father in Heaven.
       With that being said, I have to be honest and say, sometimes I still feel disconnected. I feel like I'm talking to my walls instead of Him. Or maybe I'm talking, He's listening, but surely isn't understanding.
       We're taught that good communication is the way to success and effectivity in life. Want your marriage to last? Learn how to communicate. Want to make friends? Learn how to communicate. Want to get backing on a business venture? Learn how to communicate your ideas.
        Obviously we know that there is more to it than just speaking. Face the person who is speaking, give physical feedback, respond with related responses, maintain eye contact...you know the drill. So how interesting that the most important communication of our existence contains nothing more than us speaking or simply thinking. He hears us? He gets us?
         As I was reading in my Book of Mormon this week I came across this particular scripture that redirected my thoughts. 2Nephi 32:3, "Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ, Wherefore I say unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do."
       How can I doubt for one single minute that He hears me? My conversations, the feelings I get when I pray, and most of all the scriptures I read all are concrete evidence that He is not only listening to me, but responding. Coincidence that the week I'm asking Him about how to make my prayers more effective that I happen to read, "Ye must pray always and not faint." (2Ne. 32:9), or "And I know that the Lord God will consecrate my prayers for the gain of my people." (2Ne 32:4)? Not happenstance but His way of showing me that He knows what's on my mind and IS responding. Am I listening? Am I actively and genuinely communicating to Him? Am I making myself available to Him? Or the question that's touching my heart the most, am I allowing other people to act as my angels?
       In my Patriarchal Blessing I am told, "You are indeed separated from your Heavenly Father on this earth, but only to an extent." it later continues, "...counsel with those around you, for they will never lead you astray." He knows that my heart longs to share the most direction and personal relationship with Him. Because that is not possible at this point in the eternal process He has sent me angels to look me in the eyes and say what I need to hear. He than confirms it with a feeling in my heart.
       I know that He loves me. He loves you too. He is always listening, and He always cares. Look for the evidence. I think you'll be astounded.
                 

Who Will Go With Me?

        When I've read in 2 Nephi before I tended to simply read, at best. Deep study and analyzing was kind of overlooked. A lot of Isaiah scriptures are repeated which tends to be more complicated and time consuming. This time however, I promised myself to not let that be the case. I've found so many treasures, and felt my spirituality increase immensely. There is no  wasted effort in the gospel of Jesus Christ.

        The scripture I want to highlight this week is found in 2 Nephi 16:8-11. (Compare to Isaiah 6) "...I heard the voice of the Lord, saying: Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then I said: Here am I; send me." (I connected that with 1 Nephi 3:7) It continues, "And he said: Go and tell this people--Hear ye indeed...Make the heart of this people fat, and make their ears heavy, and shut their eyes--lest they see with their eyes. and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart, and be converted and be healed." Beautiful call to be missionaries. To serve, to teach, to lead.
        "Then said I: Lord, how long? And he said: Until the cities be wasted without inhabitant, and the houses without man, and the land be utterly desolate.." Not a call for 2 years but for forever!

       How beautiful! I cannot read those scriptures without feeling a personal call to become a life long disciple of Jesus Christ. He's not just asking you to complete with a totem pole of callings until you reach salvation. Just because you have been a missionary, relief society president, or even stake president-- that does not mean you have qualified for the kingdom of God. It does not mean you have completed your tasks upon the earth. We are called to be His servants, His mouth piece, until there is no one left upon the earth, and the land is gone.
 
        I'm reminded of a commonly read and recited scripture in D&C 4. The entire chapter is so filling for our spirits, but I want to highlight verses two and three. "Therefore, O ye that embark in the service of God, see that ye serve him with all your heart, might, mind, and strength, that ye may stand blameless before God at the last day. Therefore, if ye have desires to serve God ye are called to the work.."

     A common phrase, serve God with your heart, your might, your mind, and strength. These are the description I found while studying and identifying the four individual different parts:
       
    "Heart. The term heart denotes one's character or disposition; it is the governing attitude and feeling of a person. This character or disposition is formed as the individual expresses life in the form of choices. Making choices, in the sense of making commitments, is a function of the heart. The heart constitutes the decision-making center." I add the sincere love for doing the Lords work. To be His disciple happily and gratefully.

    Next, "Mind. The mind is a system of attracting, organizing, and implementing knowledge or information for use by the heart. It is man's capacity to become aware of things as they are, as they have been or as they will be. The mind, as a capacity, is a tool subject to the management and leadership of the heart. Apparently, it is possible for an individual to choose to relinquish the management and leadership of their mind to another personality but it is not possible to transfer the responsibility for the consequences of that choice."

   The two that seemed to intertwined for me were might and strength. What is the difference? How can I make sure I am accomplishing both? Here are the definitions I have found to this point, "Might. Might refers to the resources--both temporal and spiritual, internal and external- -that are legitimately accessible to a person. Might describes all the resources that an individual commands or controls that are at his or her disposal. It includes the moral influences and other forces or materials that are under his or her dominion."   and then strength, "Strength. Strength refers to the physical properties associated with an individual's body that are sources of power. These include generative powers in the form of muscle, bone, and tissue; regenerative powers in the form of bodily systems such as the circulatory, respiratory, digestive, neural, and glandular; and procreative powers, i. e., sexual reproductive powers."
(Definitions found here:https://ojs.lib.byu.edu/spc/index.php/DLLS/article/viewFile/31139/29598)

        It through better understanding what the Lord requires, and how to commit myself to Him that I am able to become what He requires of me. I WILL go where the Lord asks me to go. He has already asked us each "Who shall I send" you and I both responded "Here am I send me." Have we followed through with our creator?

       The way to God is clear, Endure to the end. As Moroni instructs, (Moroni 10:32) "Deny yourselves of all ungodliness" By giving Him our hearts, our might, our minds, and our strength, we will be able to become like Him. I love Him.

      The gospel is good, it is true, and it is salvation. It is also joy. Each time I have followed throught with my end of the deal my life becomes better than I could have ever imagined. I have the sense of being whole, happy, and at peace. I want to feel that way always! Now off to accomplish the seemingly impossible!!! (Philippians 4:13)

PS-I had finished Genesis today. It is SO GOOD!!! I encourage you to give it another read!