I Could Build a Ship

     

      If 1 Nephi 17 was the only chapter given to us out of the Book of Mormon, that would be sufficiently powerful to convince my heart of the truthfulness of this sacred book. The inspiration and instruction found in those 55 versus left me feeling like I would never be the same.

 Instead of a traditional blog post I will just reviewing and highlighting a few of the things that empowered me today.

     The chapter starts out with Nephi reminding us that him and his family have been wandering in the wilderness for eight entire years now. The women have borne children and they have experienced afflictions of every kind. Yet Nephi, of all things to mention, says, "And so great were the blessing of the Lord upon us, that while we did live upon raw meat in the wilderness, our women did give plenty of suck for their children, and were strong."
    
   Sure after bug bites, blistered feet, losing all possessions, cold nights, hot days, and limited social contacts, clearly, you've been super blessed. What?! What would I give to have to perception and gratitude of Nephi. He remembered all that the Lord has done for him. It wasn't that God had gave them this awful life and then expected worship. Rather, Nephi understood that God had saved that from imminent destruction, he gave them a promised future with a promised land, and a legacy that would forever change the world. I have a feeling that even if the women weren't able to "give suck to their children", Nephi would have still felt gratitude. 

    Continuing on, (We still are on verse 2....), the family is finally out of the thick of trees and reaches a body of water. At one particular point Nephi hears a whispering telling him, "Arise, and get thee into the mountain..."

     [Ever heard the temple be called the mountain of the Lord? Ever feel like you should go? Did you respond in the positive and do so quickly? How relatable is Nephi's call to come!] 

   Nephi goes and receives instruction that he is to build a ship to carry him and his family across the water. His response is, "Lord, whiter shall I go that I may find ore to molten that I may make tools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?" 

       I remember being asked by the Lord to do particular things in my life. Go on a mission, go to college, be the relief society president, or even reach out and form a friendship with someone. Each of these experiences ended up becoming the most powerful and amazing opportunities I've ever been give, yet I unfortunately cannot say that my response was, "For sure Heavenly Father, how do you want me to go about it." Rather, I doubted complained, and feared. This is not said to deprecate myself but relate to what I see as a commonality in many of us. What if instead of freaking out we just said, "I'll do it."? How many more life changing and character making experiences would we be given? Nephi rocks.

   1 Nephi 17:17 "And when my brethren saw that I was about to build a ship they began to murmur against me, saying: Our brother is a fool, for he thinketh that he can build a ship; yea, and he also thinketh that he can cross these great waters." 

     As Nephi demonstrates faith in the commandments he has been given, his brothers choose to ridicule and mock. I could write a whole entire blog dedicated to a horrible habit so many of us have of bringing people down to a place where they don't push us to be better or have any qualities that we are intimidated by... 

    This triggers something is Nephi. Instead of discouragement, his testimony fires up and reproaches his brothers. He starts by reminding them of the story of Moses. He asks, if God could save an entire people for the hand of the Egyptians why could he not build a boat? How about us? If God can save an entire people why can't He give us the power to do amazing things with our lives?! It is up to our faith. 

    Nephi reminds us in verse 41, continuing to discus the Israelites leaving Egypt, "He (God) sent fiery serpents among them and after they were bitten he prepared a way that they might be healed..." He allows us to get bitten but by putting forth even just a little bit of effort we can, and will be healed.

     We than come to verses that ought to shake us to the very core. He calls out his brothers, (vs 15) "Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember that Lord your God." He reminds them that they have seen angels, they have heard the voice of God from time to time, but that they "were past hearing".

    WAKE UP. That is the risk we all take when choosing to refrain from doing daily scripture study, daily prayer, or any of the other commandments and suggestions of modern day prophets. Are you choosing to listen to the spirit? Is that your first priority? What is interfering with that?

   This verse was written for us individually, (vs46) "And ye also know that by the power of his almighty word he can cause the earth that it shall pass away; yea, and ye know that by his word he can cause the rough places to be made smooth and smooth places shall be broken up. O, then how is it that ye can be so hard in your hearts?"

   But the verse most powerful to me is number 50-51, "...If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them. If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done. And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?"

You can do all thing is God and Jesus Christ.

   This chapter is more full than I would ever have energy to write in a blog. I know that this book is true. I know that this single chapter holds so much truth and instruction I will be able to return to it time and time again and that it will always lead to progress.

Nephi, you're the man.

Any insights you love?

    

From Father Lehi to My Own Mother's Dreams

      

         Once again I opened my scriptures to 1st Nephi chapter 1, wondering what new could possibly be found. As I began reading it this bright Sunday morning I was newly impressed by the form of revelation Lehi was often guided by. On seven different occasions in the few chapters I read, it makes mention that Lehi was led by his dreams. (1 Ne.1-9) One example is found in 1Nephi 2:1-3,

 1 For behold, it came to pass that the Lord spake unto my father, yea, even in a dream, and said unto him: Blessed art thou Lehi, because of the things which thou hast done; and because thou hast been faithful and declared unto this people the things which I commanded thee, behold, they seek to take away thy life. 2 And it came to pass that the Lord commanded my father, even in a dream, that he should take his family and depart into the wilderness. 3 And it came to pass that he was obedient unto the word of the Lord, wherefore he did as the Lord commanded him.

       My heart was touched as I thought about how humble one must be to have God's confidence that understanding will occur even in unconsciousness. It's a medium of revelation that occurs that I don't often receive but wish to with frequency. As I pondered and prayed about my new desire to have my dreams given to God I recalled a memory from my childhood.

    My Mom was sitting with us at breakfast with an almost troubled expression. She, in almost a daze, said, "I had a dream last night, I can't shake it from my mind..."
        She continued explaining that in her dream a dearly loved one of ours was in a horrific car accident right outside of our home. She was the first to the scene. She knew instantly that this was an incredibly dire situation. Not only did she feel panic for the casualties but she could hear us, her children, coming out of the house to see what the ruckus was about. She was panicked. How would her children ever recover from this unspeakable site? How could she protect her children from profound despair upon seeing one of the most important men in their lives lying on the ground, slowly dying?
       Tear streamed down her face, limbs numb, heart aching. One by one each of us came from the house and looked upon the accident. Although there was sadness in our eyes it was overshadowed by the presences of angels standing behind each of us. Hands on our shoulders, embraced in holy care.

And then she awoke.

The dream she recited deeply pressed upon my heart.

       It was months later that we learned of the devastating decisions being made by the particular relative she had dreamed of. She felt paralleled emotions to that of her dream as well. How would her children respond to such heart breaking news? How would her children ever find God's hand among such chaos and confusion.
       As she sat us down to inform us, there was an undeniable spirit of holiness in our presence. Our hearts broke yet none of us wavered in faith.Quite literally, hands were felt upon my shoulders. It was then that my Mother's prophetic dream was fulfilled. A mother's humility and all consuming concern for the well-being for her children, met with a need, gave way to a sacred experience for each of us.

        I pray that each of us will open our hearts to receiving God's comfort and guidance. As Lehi was willing to change his entire life, and as my Mom was able to find settling comfort, from a simple dream, God's most glorious blessing were given.I know the voice of the Lord. My goal is to acknowledge it whenever I hear it. To strive to tune out the voices of doubt, fear, and pride. To make His voice so clear that even through dreams I know it is Him.

      I testify that He speaks to us. I testify that The Book of Mormon was written to give us insights and guidance in our own lives.

Bucket Lists--Why They Matter to Me.

       So I guess autumn technically ends on December 22nd, but with the Christmas tree up and snow falling fairly consistently I felt like it was time to wrap up my fall bucket list. This has been a season of fun, adventure, courage, and success.

      As I've posted pictures on Instagram or invited people to participate in the array of activities I've received several harmless scoffs reminding me that, 'I've got to leave somethings to do for my future.' Although it was always said in jest I couldn't help but take serious thought to my 2015 mantra:

"The trouble is, you think you have time." -Buddah

       I believe in eternity, don't get me wrong. However I think all too often we let that idea keep us still. We don't pursue certain goals or dreams, hoping that one day we'll be a little braver, that we'll have that special someone to accompany us, that our funds will be larger, or that it will somehow become more convenient. I just don't think that "The Waiting Game" is always the route to take. 

      That's what fueled my year. What was I waiting to do? There were millions of things I had signed over to the future with the deep hope that one day I would be able to see them become part of my story rather than part of my aspirations. This year was it. I was going to follow the advice of all those radio hits and, "Live like I was dying." 

      I focus on the Fall Bucket List because it was the short list I decided to publicize. It included, hiking Donut Falls, going camping, riding the haunted ski lift with my family, going to a corn maze, jumping in a big pile of leaves, painting pumpkins, going to a football game, watching Hocus Pocus, going horseback riding, going on a hay ride, flying kites, going apple picking, and driving through the canyon. (Most things I had already done before, but felt like it would be a nice way to spend my time.)

       Did I accomplish all 13 items?! Well, actually, no. I didn't go apple picking and I didn't go on hay ride either. No reason besides poor planning. However, I did 11 really fun things that created a bunch of new memories and that facilitated quality time with a bunch of people that I love. Plus, I was able to do a lot of amazing things I hadn't planned on. Like, maybe I didn't pick apples but I think I picked my weight in raspberries. Maybe I didn't go on a hayride but I did ride a crazy roller coaster or two at Lagoon. Plus I got to go on a road trip with my roommates to visit other long time friends, go to the Bahamas (which was packed with incredible things), chop off my hair, go kayaking, hike some mountains I had never hiked, make new friends, visit with old ones, etc. The list is extensive! 

       One of the coolest things is, with every check I put on my bucket list, a handful of new ideas come to mind. There will always be more to see and more to do! I want God to know that I'm grateful for my ability to move and go and experience. Life is about progress. 

        Now it's on to my winter list and soon I'll be writing an even more challenging one to ensure 2016 somehow top the most incredible year of 2015. I hope you do the same. I also hope you invite me! 

       So...does anyone have a snowmobile they want to take me out on or know how to go ice fishing?   

My Legacy- To Love You

   

The photo wall next to my bed. It reminds me of how rich my life really is. 

 I sat and watched as these "troubled students" knock their heads back, befuddled by the question I had just posed. It was my second day as their teacher and I felt that it was incredibly important for me to understand the root of these students' desires. They're in my class generally because they struggle to stay on top of their work. A handful of them experiment with drug use, many of them have no support at home, there are those that experience depression, anxiety, and of course they each suffer from "being a teenager" (Ugh! We've all been there...)  They have failed classes in the past and are now barely keeping their heads above water.
       It's a fairly difficult job: Get the students who don't know how to, or don't care to succeed, to, well... succeed. I asked the students to stop what they were doing and sit in a big circle with me. I explained we would be spending the first bit of class getting to know each other. The girls seemed interested while the boys as if it was a ridiculous idea. I started with a simple question of what their favorite color was and we all answered. The person to my right had to ask the next question, and so forth until we had each asked one question and answered many. I loved watching the awkwardness melt away as they found points of connections with their peers. It finally came back to me and I asked the final question, "What do you want your legacy to be?"
       It's something that's been weighing heavily on my mind for a while now. Recently a friend from my own junior high years unexpectedly passed away, and then almost immediately following my neighbor and youth leader also returned to our Father in Heaven. I've listened as friends and family  recited memories of them. I've seen their Facebook pages flooded with kind words. I have even seen news articles dedicated to the impact that they have had on the world. I've almost been haunted by the question, what is my legacy?
      I started with my answer so the students would get that I was serious about the question. I told them that I wanted people to be able to say that I made them feel so loved, that I was a best friend to everyone I met. I heard many unique and touching answers. I had them write it down and hang it on the wall so they could remember that they didn't have to settle for being the trouble maker, class clown, or punk kid.
      My heart is changing. We are more than our weaknesses or bad moments. As I watch people leave my life I become a more forgiving, positive person. These relationships always seem to matter even that much more once they are gone. It's unfortunate that I don't always celebrate our relationships in the moment. However, realizing this has made it easier to develop the legacy I so desire to have. I'm surrounded by incredible examples and the kindest hearts. I love each of you. Your legacies inspire me. Your life matters to me. Your potential astounds me. I love you, so much.

       I'm grateful for the gospel of Jesus Christ. It helps us maintain an eternal perspective. It requires us to grow. It teaches us to love. It reminds us of who we really are, children of God.

Arise and Eat

  I've thought about this story time and time again, and think there are crucial lessons to learn. Here we have Elijah, a prophet of great reputation, at his lowest. As he is running away from severe danger he finds himself exhausted. The kind of exhaustion that is all encompassing. This amazing, chosen, man went as far as he could before stopping and telling the Lord he wished to 'throw in the towel'.

1 Kings 19:4-8

4 ¶But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.

I wish to highlight the fact that this was a righteous and good man. He was constantly doing the Lord's work and yet, times got really, really hard. Depression, discouragement, and even despair are real--even within correct living. 

     This next part in what gets me though...

 5 And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat.

 6 And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again.

 7 And the angel of the Lord came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee.

 8 And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights

    That's it! That's so incredibly profound and reassuring. Did you catch it?! 

The aid in his lowest moments was an angel sent to give him something to eat. At first Elijah didn't get it. He ate and went back to where he was previously. The second time the angel makes himself more clear. He explains the importance of this nourishment. He tells him that the journey is in fact too difficult. This food was the way, the answer. 
    It provides so much clarity to why we must feast upon the words of Christ ourselves. 2nd Nephi 32: 3 Angels speak by the power of the Holy Ghost; wherefore, they speak the words of Christ. Wherefore, I said unto you, feast upon the words of Christ; for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.
     The reality is life is hard. WAY hard at times. Inside the church we have a quote that I often hear it's, "God will never give you anything you can't handle." I'd like to clarify. God doesn't give anything we can't handle IF we use the tools He's provided. Alone, I think it absolutely is too difficult at times. We have the resources though. He have the answers and the way. Prayer, service, attending both our church meetings and the temple, but specifically we have the word of God. I repeat from the scripture in 2Nephi, they tell us ALL THINGS what we should do. 
      I know that with God on our side anything is possible. It is thanks to the scriptures that I have confidence to take any step I take, no matter how terrifying to difficult it might be. 
   ARISE AND EAT, the journey is too hard if you don't. Save yourself the heartache and find the most constant unfailing companion. Therein lies joy.

    I love you and know that we've got this! One foot in front of the other. (That's how this tale of Elijah ends... he MOVES. He goes! So can we.) 

My Greatest Link To My Past and Brightest Hope For My Future

     I woke up today with a powerful gratitude for these lovely faces pictured above, so I threw together a poem for them. LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! 

       I'm in a special stage of life, 

       everyone keeps telling me. 

Decisions are mine for the making 

and big opportunities are mine for the taking. 

It's when I get to find myself

and be free from any ties.

I get to meet a ton of new friends

and search for a man through my "future husband lens."

It's time do just what I want

and go just where I please

But it seems to me that all I want

can sometimes feel like a cruel taunt.

My friends are all getting married

in fact most girls have their first baby.

It often feels like I'm behind

and a constant friend is hard to find. 

So I sit a pout that life moves on

and wish that I could just rewind

then I realize who's still here

this new outlook settles all my fears.

They're the ones that know me best

That love me through and through

I never really realized 

because world sure had me hypnotized.

Friends are crucial 

I could never deny it,

I have love for each girl and boy

But family has become my number one joy.

They live next door

and coast to coast

from babyhood 'til now

we're together for eternity, we each have made that vow.

I know it might sound so cliche

but my family is the best

I ALWAYS know I can count on them

I finally found God's greatest gem.

I know that life will always change

and my future could take wild turns

but I sleep easy knowing that 

my best friends stand pat.

I thank God for all of you

and know I'm never alone

you each have shown me so much love

it's something I stand in awe of.

I love you 'til the end of time

and then a little longer

my dear family I'm SO happy

this new outlook has finally found me.

I hear you.

     

         It was my freshman year of college and I was ready to live it up. My social standing was at an all time importance to me. I'd stay up all hours of the night doing whatever weird activity was going on. We had an "open door" policy in our apartment, meaning the front door was wide open anytime we were awake. New friends constantly were being made, always laughing, always go-go-going.
        Our first fast Sunday came and I sat there in the middle of our "cool kids row", when suddenly I felt the strong impression to go up and share my testimony. It was at least 20 minutes into the testimony segment of the meeting and not one person in my row had gone up. I felt anxious and nervous. I battled within myself for quite sometime until the time expired. I felt slightly guilty for not heeding the prompting but ultimately figured it probably saved me from some form of social suicide.
       To my great dismay this same feeling returned to me month after month until I had finally found the way to just shut the spirit up. I sat "in peace"  during the rest of the fast and testimony meetings. I was so glad I wasn't going to be caught up there like one of those weirdos blubbering about something we didn't really listen to. Cool kids didn't talk in church, hardly attend their meetings, and most definitely didn't go to church to learn. I was cool.
       Towards the end of my time there my very favorite roommate decided that she wanted to make a grand change in her life. It was remarkable to watch her begin to take interest in the things of the gospel. She'd ask me about the Book of Mormon, how to be able to enter the temple, what the word of wisdom and law of chastity meant to me, etc. As I saw light enter her eyes I remembered my own testimony. I thought that it'd be a beautiful thing to share my testimony the last Sunday in the ward. Of course my last Sunday didn't fall on a fast and testimony meeting, so I arranged a musical number so I could share my testimony in a  more comfortable way for me. I dubbed that "good enough" to represent all I had inside. Besides it was the "coolest" way I could think of going about it.
        We got to church that Sunday and as we sat down I glanced over my program and noticed., my name wasn't listed. Instead there wasn't just one choir number but two! What?!! I sat through the meeting sure that they'd correct the mistake at some point. An hour and fifteen minutes later I was still sitting in my same spot. Testimony sick of being held inside of me, feeling utterly looked over. I felt alone. I left the church building and began crying.
       I learned a hard lesson that day. The call to repentance swung down like an ax. I knew suddenly, I had caused my own deafness to the spirit. I had found the way to shut him out. I knew perfectly how to ignore him and only call on the gospel in times of my need and convenience. However even that had begun to feel ineffective.. Whatever great things God had in mind for me that year I had decided to opt out of and do my own thing. The tragedy was I had nothing to show for my own sorry efforts. I had lost myself, Him, and direction.

          Part two of this long tale begins with me being set apart to go on my mission. I was ready for some crazy change where all of a sudden the voice of the Lord would literally speak to me in an audible voice. At first I was troubled because it wasn't so. I felt as if this was maybe a fantasy of people that wanted to believe so badly, they convinced themselves their thoughts were something from on high. I struggled with this disillusion until I heard a quote from Elder Bednar stating to "stop worrying about whether it's you or the spirit and just do good".
        That worked for me, so anything that felt good and right to me, I did. (even if I figured I was coming up with it.) However gradually I began to see that my thought were no longer my own. Ideas would come to mind that I would have never thought up. Strange coincidences started occurring. I would know exactly what to say, where to go, and what to do. My accomplishments were greatly surpassing my own ability and intelligence. I understood for the first time, the voice of the spirit was finally heard in the way I had so so desired.  I had completely stop caring what kind of impression I was making on those around me and was solely focused on heeding the impressions I received.
       That may be the most treasured truth I own. The key to all success, confidence, joy, and truth lies within the spirit. Go with your good instincts. The Lord will see that you are open and available to promptings and use that as a powerful avenue to guide. Never never go against what your heart tells you, that only creates distance and makes it harder to hear his voice. The world is already much too boisterous. Tune in, and follow your heart.
      Oh and remember we're meant to be a "peculiar people". That's what cool is. 

1Peter 2:9 But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.